LES MISERABLES

I know what it feels like to be electrocuted.

Ok that's a slight [extreme] exaggeration, but my hyperbole is not completely baseless. My loves, I am recovering from one of the worst colds i've had in recent memory. In fact i'd go so far as to say it was nothing as mild as a cold, it was more like a flu. It had all the attributes of the classical cold: runny nose, sore throat, fever... but it certainly had earmarks of a stronger malady. Extreme body aches, chest rattling cough, sallow countenance, listlessness, loss of appetite...

I could go on, but you follow the general idea. It was not a good time, at all. Fortunately, I am on the mend, and not a moment too soon. I never thought it was possible, given my hermit/homebody ways - but I actually was sick of being in the house, sick of bed, sick of feeling... sick. Life was going on all around me, yet my world was reduced to the confines of my bedroom, the bathroom and the kitchen. The suffocating claustrophobia compounded the sickness, adding to it feelings of what i guess could be termed "desperation" and/or "anxiety." It was five days of myopic agony, drunk off of expectorant, and the very moment i awakened feeling slightly less like death, i wanted to jump for joy. Actually i did jump for joy, which was a bad idea, given that my body wasn't quite ready for that level of activity. My legs were as wobbly as a newborn colt.

The surprising thing to me was that this cold (flu) hit so hard despite me being on my game regarding exercise, healthy eating, etc etc. I hadn't had a cold in a while - a few sniffles here and there - otherwise nothing remarkable, so i suppose I subconsciously lulled myself into a false sense of security, thinking i would never get sick because i ate a few bean sprouts with dinner. Joke was on me.

Of course I debated relaying such a mundane episode from my life's tapestry (mixed metaphor much??) but as im attempting glasnost im trying not to discriminate between the banal and substantive. Besides, after spending a number of days indoors being an invalid, i really have nothing else to talk about. So basically this means i'm gonna minutiae yall til it hurts.

But it'll hurt so good. ;)

Of course, no entry would be complete without a list so here are four things that I discovered about myself during my recent illness:

4. I want to be babied when I'm sick.
Looky here, i'm human after all. Check on me, attend to me, ask me how im feeling, cluck about me. Like Luther, It's never too much. I'm simultaneously embarrassed and defiant in making this admission. Embarrassed because it reveals a self centeredness -no matter how mild - that ordinarily i find distasteful and gauche. Yet, im defiant because, well, im normally quite self effacing in my day to day activities that i feel I should be allowed a bit of leeway when im not feeling well. I'm not a malingerer either, i never play for sick when im not. However while i am legitimately battling an ailment I do want to be fussed over. Make much over me, stroke me, caress, me. Unless I want to be left alone. But even then, you know I don't really mean that, so don't go too far. ;)

3. I'm prone to becoming excessively, nauseatingly emo.
I'm fortunate to have never dealt with PMS. Painful deblilitating cramps? Yes. Emotional instability? Nah. It's a good and a bad thing. While my emotions were never held hostage by my body's reproductive cycles, I also didn't have the convenience of blaming a bad mood or attitude on them either. If i'm sullen, sulky or irritable it's because of my generally cantankerous nature, not because my body is doing... girlie things. I say that to say, im not used to having my emotions all over the place because of physical sickness. With this cold/flu I was sad, easily aggravated and just a miserable mess. For instance: my netflix streaming video kept buffering, and it had me so frustrated that i started crying. Yeah, I know. Not gulping sobs, but tears ran nonetheless. The crying led to me becoming even MORE congested, which made me even more sad and woebegone... which led to, you guessed it: more tears. Not my finest moment(s). It had reached the point where boo had to snap me out of it: "Baby... stop trippin!" :(

2. Aside from homemade I prefer the taste of campbell's chicken noodle soup to any of those fancy brands.
I like to think im a foodie (though i love/hate this categorization) and enjoy well thought out foods but in this instance, no. Keep your progresso with the specialty noodles and all the veggies. The simple goodness of the signature campbell's noodle and the just-add-water broth are a delight to my palate.

1. I look good naked.
Ok this is a bit..nihil ad rem, but still. So in the moments of lucidity(that is to say, when i wasn't in a nyquil induced haze), the internet was my constant companion. While surfing I discovered that some new celebrities nudes had "leaked." Sidenote: You have to wonder about celebrities and their dedication to privacy. If you know that as a public figure you are prone to having your electronics hacked wouldn't you make more of an effort to keep all that safe? At the very least, keep the compromising pics off YOUR PHONE.

I digress.

Anyway, the latest victim of "leaked" nudes is Christina Aguilera. Of course I had to take a gander. I'll leave my opinions to myself but i will say that thanks to hackers she is the third celeb ive seen undressed, and the third celeb that had me going "heyyy i am not doing bad AT ALL." Like im not just not doing bad... im doing quite well. And this is without the million dollar beauty payroll. Of course i thoroughly advise against comparing yourself to others, but being that the famous are constantly thrown in our faces as almost a benchmark with which to measure ourselves, it's nice to see that you've not only passed, but aced the test. :)

Swing Out Sister - Breakout