SIX THINGS THAT ANNOY ME

PEOPLE.

There's no human being more overrated than a person. Really. The biggest threat to humanity is humans. Everytime I go out, I see people. I have to work with people. People under the stairs. People in your neighborhood. Everyday people. People Everyday. Barbra Streisand's People. People Magazine. And the worst? A Person with P.O.V. Yes folks, the dreaded disease hailed by an acronym.

Point. Of. View.

We rub shoulders with people with P.O.V everyday. Sometimes we don't know they have a P.O.V, and that ignorance is bliss. At other times however you are able to see that the P.O.V is in its advanced stages. A person with P.O.V isn't content to have the disease and suffer alone. No. They spread their dreaded P.O.V until everyone around them has their own version of the original. It self replicates and before you know it, everyone you come into contact with it has a P.O.V. Is there a cure? Sure. Its called silence. So simple...yet most refuse to practice such self control. It wouldnt be so bad if people weren't so annoying. But...they are.

I may marry a person, but i'm not gonna like it.


POTTED MEATS.

I see you spam eaters. And what I see disgusts me. What exactly is that stuff anyway? With a description like "meat product" its anybody's guess. For all we know its soylent green...and Soylent green is made of bullet casings and Charlton Heston's fatty deposits.


GRAND GESTURES.

We get it. You love her. She puts up with your bad credit, hammer toes, and your dirty apartment. She caters 2 U, and cares for you when you're sick. She pretends to like your mother. Basically she's the one person in 6 billion that can stand you. BIG WOOP. Does it really call for an elaborate proposal with fireworks, the goodyear blimp, and a trained gibbon? "But," you say to me..."she's crying. And she said yes!" WHATEVER. She's crying because you just did more damage to your credit with this charged extravagance(do you know what gibbons cost these days???) And because she was forced to say yes, lest she embarrass you in front of the witnesses to your gaudy spectacle. Take it from me, getting rid of the pit stained undershirt,(i don't care how "clean" it is) putting on clean socks say more than any jumbotron could. Do that, and you'll get a yes from the heart. BELIEVE ME.


DRAFT ANIMALS

These have got to be the some of the ugliest animals on earf. Donkeys? Mules? Percheron? DICK CHENEY? For every pound of strength they got two pounds of ugly. And thats the truth.


MILQUETOASTS

If you don't stand for anything, you'll fall for everything. You know why you'll fall? Because you have no spine. Think of all the invertebrates on the planet. from the amoeba to the snail, they make up over 3/4 of the earths animal species. So if you are wondering if you're a milquetoast...you probably are. And you annoy me.


JOSH HARTNETT

Need I elaborate? I'm not sure what annoys me more, his career...or the fact that he has one at all.