RYAN LESLIE

I have a thing for herbs and nerds.

Usually the two go hand in hand, though on rare occasions you can find one at the exclusion of the other.

For instance, Stephen hawking is a nerd, but he is not at all a herb. That man sweats sexy. And no, i'm not kidding.

On the other hand, Mr Mariah Carey Nick Cannon is definitely a herb, but the jury is still out on his nerdiness.

You get my picture.

I'm not sure when it started, but if i had to pinpoint it, i'd say i discovered my preference sometime in middle school - when it seemed like i was the only one who could see that David S. was a true hottie behind the glasses and the too tight stonewashed denim. (What happened to dat boy?) He had brains and beauty but he got clowned 'cause he couldn't dress to save his life. But then again this was middle school. Who could?

Wait a minute...Rob H. could. How could i forget him? Somehow he managed to be fly, but word on the streets was that he was a runner for some drug dealer(s) and thats why he had a pager in the 8th grade. Not to mention his collection of starter jackets and a butter leather.

aw shucks...let me get sidetracked for a second and tell yall a funny story about Rob H.

So i had a huge crush on him right? All the girls did really. yeah i was on my thug lovin for a second lol. Anyway he was always pleasant with me but i know i was not his kind of girl. © new edition

I was bookish and flat chested and just like, not hip enough at the time. He was popular and i was soo not. anyway, so we graduate from 8th grade and he writes this really cool message in my yearbook(like felicity and Ben!) and i was so smitten with him cuz he had written something like "i know you're gonna be beautiful and you're so smart" and all the stuff that makes girls date tuff guys despite knowing better.

So fast forward to about abt a year out of high school, im in college, and my style, though still in its infancy stages, is shaping up very nicely. I got a body too. Basically im no longer a 13yr old dork and im looking fly walking down the street. My bus is taking forever so i start making the journey home on foot. I have to walk past a group of dudes(which i hate) so my walkman(aww the walkman! remember them? how quaint!) becomes incredibly fascinating.

Im messing with the fast forward button, trying to avoid meeting any eyes when all of a sudden one of them jogs over to me, and says my name. I look up. Its rob! Heart, be still! But..but..wait...Rob oh dear Rob what has happened to you? One too many spliffs one would gather. Dude looked like he had trees for breakfast lunch and dinner. I mean the cute was still there, but it was buried beneath the soot of hard living. In five seconds whatever remained of my pubescent fascination was officially over.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, he was nothing but complimentary. I mean he was always nice to me, but now he was looking at me with a new light in his eyes. He kept exclaiming over everything from my hair to my gear. We conversed briefly and he applauded my educational pursuits. It was weird, here was this boy i used to crush on so hard that i could feel it in my chest, and now he was checking me out! I wasn't the least bit interested, but it was gratifying. Anyway the convo ended with him forcing two phone numbers AND a pager number on me. "Please call me" he said. And, "if you ever need anything...you can find me here." he pointed to the street that had intersected the block i was walking down. Its name escapes me now. He was a corner boy for sure. 19 years old and already hugging the block. We hugged our goodbyes and I walked away awkwardly, aware that he was staring after me. It was a weird equalizing moment. When i left him, i was but a learner. Now i was the master. (+ 10 if you get the reference)

But back to herbaliciousness that was David S. A subject of many diary entries - that my brother found and STILL clowns me about - he was more my speed, but i didn't capitalize on my feelings because i was a herb too. Besides momma woulda had a fit if i had a boyfriend in middle school! A rare occasion where my inertia proved beneficial for me AND my behind.

Which brings me to Ryan Leslie.

Yall thought it would never come right? I know, i always take the long and winding road to get to my point. If you've stuck with me this far, i thank you.

The man oozes herb and perspires nerd. And oooh child © i am sooo on it. Now he first came to my attention whenever it was that cassie-o first burst on the scene warbling the theme song for strumpets every where. I hated the track, but at the same time something about it was catchy, and i heard it was produced by some new producer named ryan leslie.

What an unassuming name. Strange. No catch phrases or pseudonyms implying strength, virility or unchecked drug use? WHO IS THIS GUY??

Google sez:

Ryan leslie is havahd graduate(at age 19 what!) with a degree in government and economics. He owns a marketing and media company. He's produced space age music for danity kane and katharine mcphee. He has two youtube channels, one for himself and one for his company.

*sniff sniff*

Whats that smell? The boy reeks of eau d'herb! The triangle is a-ringing and my stomach is rumbling for all the nerdy goodness.

Seriously he reminds me of one of those dudes in school who was not part of the cool crowd, but the kids recognized that he had that certain je ne sais quoi and gave him a break. It was obvious the dude was going places, so they'd just leave him alone. Like even in his diamond girl video(which was about me btw), he can't conceal the nerd that lives within. Sure he's doing a modified temptations routine, wearing stunner shades(they still call them that?) and rocking some obnoxious jewelry on his fingaz, but on the inside He's just lil ryan leslie, harvard grad, son of ministers, who happens to play a mean keyboard.

And that endears him to me. Even when he's "being" cool...the nerd just...emanates.

He's kind of like Pharrell in that aspect, although pharrell strikes me as more nerd than herb. Actually, i'd venture to say he's not a herb at all. He's just weird. So where Pharrell's nerd leans more toward the strange, Ryan still seems to be firmly settled on terra firma.

Anyway my brother just put me on to this track of his and i'm IN LOVE with it. Its called valentine, and apparently it first made its rounds on the net this past valentine's day. Of course im late, but thats my M.O. Doesn't make this song any less enjoyable. RL has stolen my heart.

By the way, i think i need a keytar in my life.



Ryan Leslie - Valentine

I SWEAR MY LIFE IS ONE LONG OUTTAKE FROM THE METH AND RED SHOW

And considering how awful the meth and red show was, that's a pretty bad outtake.

So today i had my bra in my pocketbook(i'll spare yall the reason why)and as i reached in my bag for my cell, it fell out, much to my chagrin.

Oh...you *want* to know why i had a bra in my bag? Well its basically for this reason: The top i was wearing had a shelf bra, but i really wasn't sure if it was going to provide enough support. So like the worrywart i am, I brought along a bra to wear underneath the top. Just in case. I mean im not HUGE up top but i do have something, and though i had on a cardigan for modesty's sake i couldn't help but feel like that wasn't enough. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it) i didn't need it, and that leads into the ensuing debacle.

So I'm talking to some colleagues. I reach into my purse for my cell and *bloop* hellooo black bra with hot pink piping! I really thought i could will myself to disappear then and there but no go. Fortunately i have lightning quick reflexes, and almost as soon as the offending garment hit the floor it was in back in my bag. I don't think anyone noticed because no one reacted, but then again most folks are great actors.

STRIPTEASE

So basically, i think i flashed my next door neighbors.

Get your minds out of the gutter. The flashing ™, if it indeed happened, was totally inadvertent. It wasn't like i wanted my neighbors to have a birds eye view of my glistening naked body as i walked about the house.

...Or did i?

I'll wrestle with my subconscious later.

So my neighbors technically don't *live* next door right? They moved about six months ago, but their house is still on the market due to the sluggish economy. They come and check on it from time to time, but for all intensive purposes(lol) their home is empty.

Now when they moved out, i'll admit i was a bit apprehensive, thinking an empty home might beckon criminal activity and other unsavory nonsense.

Nothing of the sort has happened. And lately? i've been enjoying it. A little too much i would hazard.

No neighbors has been a boon. I don't have to hear their voices at 3:00am (she had teenage sons who apparently had no curfew) the sounds of cars entering and exiting their driveway. It also means a lot more freedom for me, and that freedom has extended to me walking around my house, blinds up, in various states of undress. Never nekkid though. Yall know how i feel about nudity without a purpose.

So anyway.

Today, i'm in my room, cleaning -its amazing the amount of clothes that accumulate during the week - and i'm rocking bra and pannies look. Its all good, curtains pulled back beautiful daylight streaming through my windows. The calm after the storm you know? The dulcet sounds of N.E.R.D's fly or die reverberating off my walls.

"Cuz you're gon' dance in your undies all over your house..."

How apropos. I just happen to be dancing and singing in my skivvies. Pharrell's singing to me ladies. *swoon* I take a minute to grab a hairbrush and sing to my reflection in the mirror.

"slow motion like a dream / but real time is what it seems"

What? Don't act like yall don't sing into hairbrushes too.

*hair flip*
*booty shake*
*wop*
*kick, ball, change*
*jazz hands*

So i'm dancing and singing and folding and hanging and sweeping and dusting...you know regular sunday afternoon stuff.

When all of a sudden i hear voices. Loud.

Brutally jerked out of my cleaning reverie, i look out my window, panicked. Who do i see but a gaggle of people. I recognize some of them as my former neighbors. The others don't look familiar, but then i see the realtor (i've talked to him before) and realize the rest of the folks must be prospective buyers.

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME HE'S SHOWING THE HOUSE TODAY?

I back away from the window with the quickness, mortified. Had they seen me? Crap i had my light on too. Ugh.

How could i have been so careless? Normally i'm very attuned to the sounds coming from next door for this very reason. Somehow, i allowed myself to get all comfortable and the sounds of - count em - three cars pulling up in the driveway went unnoticed by yours truly. Oh i am truly lord of the idiots. So now whats my plan of attack? Put some clothes on obviously. And turn off the light. But then what? I don't know if they saw anything, so there's no point in going outside to do damage control. Besides, what would i do? Ask them if they saw my cottage cheese thighs(i'm working on it) and then apologize for walking around in my house undressed?

Its really one of those situations where its best to do nothing. If you could see my house you'd understand my concern. I have these huge windows that are a peeping tom's dream. Not to mention the fact that the curtains were pulled back, blinds pulled up to let maximum light flood the room.( i have a thing for natural light).

When they lived next door, i wouldn't have dreamed of walking past an opened window any way other than fully dressed. But i just had to get my icarus on and now my neighbors and possible neighbors-to-be must think i'm a real strumpet. :/

I wish there was a way to know for sure if they saw me or not. I refuse to ask. I guess i'll wait until i run into them and observe their body language. If they look embarrassed and refuse to meet my eyes i'll know. Or if they stare too hard. Ugh.

N.E.R.D - the way she dances

LAZY SUNDAY, SLUGGISH MONDAY

It wasn't until after four on Sunday that i got dressed. It was too hot for anything else. So trife.

I'll admit i was walking around looking jacked for the majority of the day. Hair still scarved up aunt jemima(on the pancake box?) style. Don't laugh. How else im supposed to keep my doobie tight? Rocking shorts that would be considered underwear in some circles, and jcrew tissue t-shirt. Tacky? Yes. Keeping cool? Kind of. Yall already know about my air condition situation. Even with window units, there are still hot spots throughout the house.

Anyway, around 3:30 i realized i couldn't let all that sexy go to waste, and decided to spruce up. (i do it for the people) Not to mention, i'd hate to go to bed and realize that i went the entire day marinating in the fug.

Today was a litte better but not much. I had to get up (mondays suck) so i couldn't just rest on my laurels all day. I wanted to though. Its the heat man. While i love the summer warmth, it makes me listless and i'm loathe to do anything that requires movement. Even eating is a trial. Though looking at me you wouldn't think it. :/

But at least i didn't spend half the day today looking like trash.

So here i am all washed and shiny, blogging. What to write about?

My blogging habit has suffered greatly, and while i do feel bad that i haven't been more diligent, i'm pleased to say the reason is because somehow, along the way, i've acquired a life. Mhmm. More blogs = less life : Less life = more blogs. Yall blog because you have lives, i blog because i don't. lol

Baby brother had his graduation party this weekend and everything went well. I was more than a little bit nervous, because he asked me and my brother to dj. It was nerve wracking, but went off without a hitch. Apparently we have dj skillz. Who knew? King £ex the Petite Dynamo rocking ur zer0s and 1s. Ask about meh!

What else?

Remember those 5 lbs i gained? Well they're gone now. It was hard work but i was like funk that. I'm going to the beach in a few weeks i refuse to look like a trussed up ham on the boardwalk. Now if i can only prevent myself from gaining them again...

MICHAEL JACKSON WAS 25 WHEN THRILLER CAME OUT

What have you been doing??

I've been in an artistic rut lately. Perhaps the fact that i've never been particularly artistic in the first place is the problem.

That begs the question: WHY am i not artistic?

Two of my siblings are superb visual artists. My brother went to HS for Creative and Performing Arts, the philly counterpart of the FAME school.(home to Questlove, Amel Larrieux, Angela Nissel, Bilal and those dudes from Boyz II men) He did very well and went on to the Pennsylvania Academy of fine arts. My sister, the other artiste, went to a college prep school(and my alma mater GHS what!) but busted her butt taking art classes and received a scholarship to Moore College of Art and Design. Huge.

I have another brother(actually two, the other being the one who just graduated from HS),his strength is that he has an ear for music. With this capability he has carved a niche for himself in the glutted field of music production. At first he was just making beats(like everybody does) and then it was like...um dude?...you have real talent. He's been honing his craft ever since, and its starting to pay off. In fact, in some circles he's pretty well known. Okay, maybe not your circle, but we're working on it. I would drop his name, but you know, i'd really like to keep my worlds from colliding.

Then there are my parents. My mom is also skilled with the pen and pencil - she was heavily recruited in my elementary school days for drawing my report covers. We won't even discuss her brilliant mathematical mind, which has gotten me out a jam on many an occasion. I still don't see the point of doing proofs if my answer is correct. My dad is mechanically inclined and can fix anything with moving parts. I remember we had an assignment in fourth grade where we had to build a lever, and everyone bought in these rinky dink sorry excuses for a lever. Well my dad and i stayed up sunday night and built this fantasmagorical machine. Of course the next day I sonned everybody in science class. Yes, i was *that* student. The one you loved to hate. I wasn't a herb though. I never reminded the teacher when she forgot to give us homework. Now that was a student who deserved an atomic wedgie.

Outside of my immediate family, One grandma is nimble with the needle, she quilts and sews, my other grandma sings. Then i have an aunt who fronts a band...yes the list goes on. All this talent, and the fact that this is my pedigree, leaves me feeling dreadfully inadequate.

I'm a total left brain.(if you believe in that sort of thing.) Thinker, analyzer, quiet riot and all that jazz. Observer, obsessor, judger. I feeeeel. I don't create. Up until this point, it never really bothered me. In fact it never occurred to me to care one way or another. Not everyone is a matisse or a bourke-white or a gershwin. And that was ok, because we all have our different strengths. But now? Its kind of getting to me. I want to have a creative outlet. For once i'd like to apply minimal effort and still shine. But, while i appreciate all things right brained, its painfully obvious that my own right brain is nothing but a hollow shell. Sure, i took/play flute, and trumpet. All I have to show for that is unfailing lung capacity(ask anyone who has ever argued with me) and the ability to read sheet music(which is fading...:/) No prodigy here though. No one was ushering me to julliard, or some kind of conservatory in order to nurture my delicate genius. Im just your average "yeah i play an instrument" chick. Kinda like Alicia keys.(oh no she didn't!) Proficient. I'm somewhere in the meaty part of the curve, not falling behind, not showing off. But definitely, nothing to write home about.

I can't draw for nothing either. And please, spare me the "if you practice you will get better" line of thinking. My mother began drilling that into my head @ about the age of six. That's the age when i noticed i sucked and everyone else...didn't. I practiced and practiced, hoping one day i'd wake up with the hands of Norman Rockwell. Finally, at the age of 25, i gave up. What? Don't judge me! I was still drawing my girls the same way: a heart shape for the torso/waist which was connected to a triangle for a skirt. Two spindly vertical lines for legs. If i was feeling fancy, two inclined planes for shoes(high heels). What would you do? Thought so. It was time to let go. My pre-k cave drawings were not doing anything for anybody. I mean, i could market my rough and ready sketches as "folk" and bandy words like "quaint" and "ironic" around, but i don't think that would fly. Besides grandma moses got the primitive art segment on lock.

We won't even get into singing. Well...actually...im a decent singer. I mean i can hold a note, no voice crack-o. I have fairly good range as well, i be hitting some of those high notes that minnie does. la la la la la la lala-lala doowee ooowee oooh... However, i'm not confident enough in my natural ability to sing - for you. Or you. Even you. You know how some folks are just born with a larynx of gold? Yeah well i'm not one of them. And yes, i know artistic ability isn't confined to the realm of singing, writing and painting. These are just the most visible.

I don't know. Am i expecting too much? I think part of the issue is that i'd like for my talent to just jump out at me. Yeah, i'm lazy like that. I want it to go: "HELLO? YOO HOO! Talent over here!" Why should i have to search for it? Thats what makes talent so special, the fact that its readily apparent. Anyone can take a class. Not that i'm against taking classes. In fact i'm all for them. But - and bear with me as i'm having a tough time articulating myself - what about those skills that are innate? Am i completely lacking in them? I look at my family and friends and its like wow...thats dope.

It just feel so...talentless. Utterly lacking in artistic ability. And no, i'm not fishing for compliments so fall back. What is it i'm interested in? I keep asking myself. What do i like? The answer is: everything. I'm a patron of the arts but a master of none. I'm sure there is something in me that could be cultivated, but who knows what that something is? My interests are numerous and varied, but there is nothing that reaches out and grabs me. My right brain hasn't found its soulmate yet. I know its out there though...and that why this smarts so much.

For you talented artistic shmucks out there...how did you discover your niche? Was it serendipity or something else? Years of nurturing or automatic brilliance? Fill me in, i don't want to wait until i'm 90 to discover my calling.

AFTER THE MORNING AFTER

How was everyones 4th of july? I always say those three day weekends are a blessing and - a curse. Its a blessing because a paid holiday is always hittin'. At the same time its a curse because that extra day off just makes it all the more difficult to come in to work. You need a vacay from the vacay. At least i do.

I spent most of my weekend overindulging in things from the meat group, cleaning up my house, hula hooping(i'm baaaack), getting mo' brown, and trying to figure out this santogold thing.

Santogold. I think im supposed to like her. Let me clarify. I want to like her. Or is it a them? At any rate, i want to appreciate the music. She's from philly, and i like to support that which is homegrown. Not to mention the lead singer(Santi White) wrote the majority of Res' eponymous debut, which i LOVED. So it only stands to reason that i should be way into santogold right? After all, the music is issuing from the same mind. Nyet. Its not happening. I dunno if its her voice, or the decidedly electronic beat, but i find it annoys me more than anything else. I guess i'm not becoming a hipster after all.

The thing is, I like j*davey and HEAVy. I'll even roll with M.I.A(not really). The point is all of these "new" artists have a similar bent and that is merging pop, synth, r&b and rock. Wait should i be lumping all of these musicians together? I know artists don't like being labeled and everything. Whatever. I like my boxes and labels. It keeps things neat. Santogold's music is in the same vein as these other artists. There. I said it. I will also say that it sucks. Ok that was way harsh. It doesn't suck. It just leaves me cold. I will keep trying though.

Speaking of new music, i really really like the new Solange. I think she might make it after all. She's in desperate need of a new stylist - thats if she has one at all - but her music is fly.

Solange - I decided

BUST IT BABY ? :'-(

No time to make a long entry(are those sighs of relief i hear? lol), but this was sent to me, and, in a spurt of largesse, i felt i had to share my disgust with yall.

(I know i'm probably mad late but whatevs, whats new?)

I'm relying on you guys to watch this and make sense of it for me.



Where's Ja Rule?

FIRST OF ALL

I'd like to thank Rashad and Chubbs for their zit advice. I did the toothpaste remedy and it worked! I officially dub you guys the 'pimple popping prince and princess'(respectively) in honor of your bump removing wizardry. PPPaP for short. (Remember folks thats just a name, its not good to actually pop your zits, it'll leave scars.) I'm sure you'll wear your new monikers with pride. Thanks to yall, i am spared the humiliation of being labeled "pizza face". Or James Edward Olmos. And chubbs, i will be going to CVS to purchase the Burts Bees Blemish stick. I love product, packaging and especially burts bees. Score!

Don't yall love three day weekends? I know i do. I'm still not sure if i like monday or friday better as the third day though.

So as yall know, the 4th of july is tomorrow. All week long there have been various activities going down, for residents and visitors of the city alike.

Tonight i decided to go downtown © petula clark, and partake in one of these activities. It was a big salsa festival. Have i told yall how much i love to dance? And how much i love salsa? Do yall even care? Well for those that are interested, i love dancing and especially salsa. Mhmm, yup. I likes to shake my groove thing. So we go, and we're there, listening to the music and of course my feet start moving, because how can they not? The music is infectious. My feet are moving and my hips are swaying and before i know it, this short asian dude is asking me to dance. In typical judge-a-book-by-its-cover fashion, i'm all like "what can he do?" to myself. Sad right? I agree to dance though, and WHEW! dude was a beast. Before i know it we're doing the salsa thing hard core, and im fighting just to keep up! It was fun though. And i did look good if i must say so myself. *toot toot*

It also reaffirmed that my future husband is going to have to like to dance. And if he doesn't like it he is going to have to fake it for me. Thats right baby, fake it for me. The sunshine of your formerly dark and gloomy life. Without me you'd have no direction and all of that other sentimental folderol. None of this "i don't like to dance" crap that a lot of men pull, because they're secretly embarrassed, and afraid of making a fool of themselves. My dad is a good example of this. The only dance he'll do is this weird interpretation of james brown.More like james brown on crack. He'll do that to the embarrassment of his loved ones -*flinches at the thought of the great dance off of 94* - But if it actually requires synchronization of movement? He's not down. My mom wanted him to take dance lessons with her back in the day and he was like "nahhh". I'm not having that. Nope. I mean dance dance too. Not just a two step. No, he won't have to be fred astaire, cuz i am certainly no ginger rogers(yet). I'm just saying i don't want to do a "baby please go to salsa class with me?" Cuz i'd rather have my husband as a partner not some sweaty weirdo. Not that i won't go alone, but you know, it won't be pretty when i get back. I kid. I think. I talk so much smack don't I?

Anyway in the audience there were two crackheads in love, dancing completely offbeat and without any semblance of rhythm. I guess that part of their brain went up in smoke. *cymbal crash* They were so amusing that i had to take a picture, i'm debating putting it up though. See? I do have a conscience.

A dude made some sort of remark on my booty, and i had to give him the crook eye. What is up with that anyway? Can't dudes just observe and admire in silence? Ugh. Men are so gross sometimes. THEN I saw another random just brush his hand across some chicks butt too. I mean it was big(ok huge) but really. All that double takin' and neck breakin' and space violatin' was not necessary.

Other than that it was good times all around.

Oh yeah and a PSA for mi hermana latinas; put some clothes on! And if you are wearing clothes? Its ok to have space between your skin and the fabric. I ain't nebber seed so much cleave, junk, and leg in my life. And some stuff that was out really needed to in. And away. Far away.

So that was my evening. And the best thing of all? When i came home tonight, it was still Thursday! Meaning even though it feels like tomorrow should be saturday, its not! We still have the whole weekend in front of us. Have a great one guys.