VINCIT QUI SE VINCIT

Or in English: (s)he who conquers, conquers him(her)self.

I'm coming off of an amazing inspiring weekend which means i'll probably be a bit rambly. A thousand pardons in advance of my longwindedness.

So, vincit qui se vincit was my HS motto. It served as sort of motivational tautology - a reminder to us young ladies (i went to an "elite" all girls HS - and to anyone thinking, "oh, that explains everything." shut it.) that often time the biggest obstacle in our lives is ourselves. Of course as a teenager, that really meant nothing to me beyond the occasional arguments of how to pronounce it. (in latin the V is pronounced like a W)

Now that i'm older, the old phrase has taken on a new meaning. "Conquering" myself is one of the hardest battles i've ever waged... and will continue to be. I am only making the attempt because i felt stagnant. As a rule i am way easy on myself. The path of least resistance is full of my treadmarks. But lately i've making the valiant effort to not retreat back into my comfort zone when a situation arises that makes me uncomfortable. Not that my comfort zone was a bad thing, but i've come to realize that i've missed out on a lot by just _staying_ there. Its definitely an effort, but when i do push past my natural inclinations? Pride. Accomplishment. Abject terror. Those two things make the feeling of being battle worn and weary bearable. (i'm a formidable opponent.)

I had the opportunity this past weekend to feel that sense of accomplishment that comes from doing what you thought you couldn't do, when i taught a salsa class.

(ok that sentence was awkwardly worded. any suggestions for more facile phrasing?)

Anyway, veni, vidi, vici. (keeping with the latin theme.) Not only that, I discovered a few things about myself: (well some things i knew already, but yall know what i mean)

• 1. despite my shyness - im good at handling a crowd. And, a decent teacher. Its almost an out of body experience - my inner sasha fierce (sorry for the beyonce reference lol) comes out and i'm watching myself be engaging, instructive, witty, and, dare i say, charming? :)
• 2. I can dance. - I've always poo pooed my skills, because there are so many GREAT salseros, but there were some seasoned men (of the latino persuasion) who were raised on salsa, bachata, merengue - and i kept up with every single one of them. Their compliments meant the most, because i know im not looking like im counting my steps, but rather im just flowing effortlessly with the music. I know. I too am wondering when that happened.
• 3. Something about salsa makes men take liberties (not all of course but A LOT. lol) and i've grown adept at vetoing those liberties in the least embarrassing way possible. lol

I must say that i am proud of myself. :)

Another way of exiting my comfort zone? I met up with the Ex over the weekend. Yes. This was leaving the warm womblike atmosphere i usually dwell in in a big way. Talk about being vulnerable. We have been corresponding regularly since my face "providentially" came across his facebook page (i feel a list coming on about that den of iniquity website) was quite apprehensive about seeing him again. Maybe i was brimming with confidence from my successful run as a dance "instructor", but the insecurities i had leading up to the moment of our reckoning (which i spared you all from by not blogging about) dissipated. But yall don't want to read about my love life (or lack thereof) right?

*ahem*

This weekend i also had the pleasure of seeing Esperanza Spalding in concert. Let me say... she is amazing. My girl crush on her is even more crushier. The woman is just insanely talented. Like it oozes through her pores. She blends her influences together so fluidly... but yet it never manages to sound pretentious or self-aware. Its just good music. She made me want to be a better musician - or should i say, a musician period? lol (im a half a$$ed musican.)If you've never seen her in concert, please make sure you do. Its definitely worth it.

And finally...

Friday was a wolf-moon. You guys know i fancy myself a kind of half-a$$ed astronomer, so i was excited to see it. (shout out to jazzbrew who also was amped.) What's the wolf moon? Well its the brightest full moon of the year, so name by the Natives, because the wolves would howl at it. In a cloudless sky, the characteristic features of the moon are quite prominent to the naked eye. Unfortunately, we were beset with haze which blurred out those features. The sky was crazy bright though, and i imagine that without light pollution it would be even more majestic in appearance. My plan was to get a clear photograph the moon, but the clouds ruined my plans. But, never one to be daunted (much) i braved the teen temps - 1 AM 18 degrees and i was shivering, looking completely insane wtf was i thinking- and this is what i got:

The moon was behind a translucent layer of cloud that blurred its features, but you still get the effect. Its really was a remarkably bright moon. You could definitely see why wolves howl. Shoot, if i had lycanthrope ancestry i might have howled too. It was so crazy bright outside, this picture was not altered at all. This is how it looked at that moment. Beautiful eerie-ness. I thought the naked tree added a layer of visual interest as well. (YES im still dabbling in photography. And im half a$$ed. lol)

Finally my chickadees - Happy february! The month of love (if you get down with V-day) and more importantly, the month before the month of march which is the month in which spring officially begins! (i've never typed month so much in my life) Are you excited? I definitely am. :)

AL Green - I'm still in love with you