I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A MOMENT TO THANK THE BRILLIANT MIND OR MINDS

That came up with the phrase emo.

Yes, i know the word emo is short for emotional. Wait...is it short for emotional? I'm assuming it is, but i've been wrong before. It could be short for emollient for all i know. I have a bad habit of being clueless. For example, it wasn't until...recently(i refuse to say EXACTLY how recently) that i learned that D'Angelo's "brown sugar" was a metaphor for *cough* something else. I always wondered why the love from his girl made his eyes a shade of "blood burgundy." I assumed it was because he was an ardent lover and was staying up all night, pleasuring her.

Yes, yes. I know.

For the purposes of this blog though, i will go on the assumption that Emo is short for emotional. And though the word emotional is nothing new...how long has it been in the english language? Since the 15th century perhaps? The shortening of it to those three letters is pure genius.

The beauty of it lies within its succinctness. It carries all the gravity associated with the word emotional, but since its so short and sweet, its embued with levity, carrying an almost humorous quality.

The first i heard it expressed, i was struck with its immediate catchiness. At once i knew what it meant, when and where it should be used, and how often. Much like i did with other cultural memes such as, "where's the beef", "ladiesss my mercedeeees" or "no homo." It just felt right.

Emo allows you to say, i'm depressed, im blue im in a funky funk, without saying im depressed, im blue, im in a funky funk. Like you can be sad, but still maintain your dignity. Not saying there's no dignity in being sad, but you know what i mean.

It also allows the person who hears the news that you are emo to not be overly concerned about you, because dude, you just called yourself emo. And if you were that bad off you wouldn't be using hipster slang to describe your condition.

So yeah.

Anyway, this blog wasn't supposed to be about being emo. Its just that for the fourth day in a row i've subjected myself to the emotional roller coaster that is old yeller.

before i go any further, let me disclose something about myself. i get on movie jags. I'll watch the same movie over and over for like a week at a time. Three weeks ago it was 'The 39 Steps'. This week its Old yeller. The best doggone dog in the west. Omg that movie hits me in the old pump. Like i didnt cry in schindler's list but im practically drowning watching old yeller.

So i'm watching old yeller, getting emo, and my mind starts wandering. Before i know it, its on some weird tangent and im wondering why im not in the midwest staking my claim and raising a brood of children and catering to my rugged(but good looking) husband, who tills the land by day and ravishes me by night. By the end of the movie where *spoilers* travis has to shoot yeller, im weeping, but im not sure if im weeping over the movie or the fact that i am childless and unmarried and not being ravished and don't have dairy cows and a vegetable garden.

Oh yes, its like that.

Like that-a-that-that-that yall.

See, most of the time i'm quite logical and in control of myself but then i have these moments of incoherent delirium where all of the crazy comes out of the closet and starts chasing me around the room.

Apparently old yeller has the power to provoke this kind of moment. Who knew?

Anyway i know i'm bugging...but..

Its just.

I don't know. I'm thinking about how my mom was pregnant with her third by the time she was my age and my grandmother was 5 kids deep.

Its like wtf am I doing?

Not that im planning my life by their timetables - but don't it make my brown eyes blue when i think about how my forbears were living in domestic bliss by the time they reached my age, and im sitting in front of the TV eating mcdonalds apple pie and crying over an imaginary dog, when i should be tucking the kids in and wondering whats for dinner tomorrow.

I mean really. Who's zooming who here? Btw that song is totally how will i know, slowed down.

Have i completely bought into the notion that despite everything achieved in life - its a woman's ultimate goal to be a wife and mother? Do i believe that? On some not so subconscious level...is this what im longing for?

Wait a minute...omg...am i having one of those "clock is ticking" moments? If i look over my shoulder will i see that awful dancing baby dancing in my doorway? Speaking of dancing baby, that had to have been one of the worst cultural phenomenoms of all time. That stupid graphic was everywhere. Its anatomical structure was so weird too.

Whats sad is when ally mcbeal first came out i was still a teenager and all of that ticking clock dancing baby my eggs might be dying meant nothing to me. Thirty seemed ancient. Over thirty five, you might as well have been dead. I was young, i was nubile, i was the new kid on the block. I scoffed at these ninnies fussing over their men, or lack thereof. I mean yall are LAWYERS! You have money and dope apartments! Funk the men and the babies. But now...um...

AND THEN, its like all of my friends are married. Well not all, but enough so that im a little paranoid. In an intimate moment over two whoppers @ a local burger king, I revealed to my girl that i'd like to be married by 2010. She got all serious on me, talking bout "girl...please don't rush. you don't know how good you have it."

First of all im like don't rush? 2010? I'll be in my thirties. That is not rushing. Secondly, im thinking, just five minutes you were gushing over your husband and kids. Why you trying to block entrance in the club?

Its like that episode of seinfeld where dude told elaine there were no more villas available for rent in tuscany.

"in ALL of tuscany?"

"Thats right, all of tuscany."

I mean i know marriage is hard work and all, but don't be telling me about how happy you are, then when i mention it, be all "you need to wait." I see you girl. I love you, but i see you.

Wait...am i tripping about her "wait for marriage" comment again? I swore i was over that. Was i kidding myself?

I can't be. Or..can I? Is my entire world crashing all around me?

Ugh, see, this is what happens when i'm left to my own devices. I start kirking out and crap. See what i really should be doing is working out, and not sitting here ruing the fact that i don't have my own harlow winter or nahla.

Ah well.

I think, therefore i am...emo.

Hey thats not half bad. I'm totally putting that on shirt.