YOU'RE OLD, GET WITH IT, NUFF SAID.

don't have the blues, but it sure has me...

I'm officially not 18 anymore. I know, big news right? I haven't been 18 in...errr...uhh....lets say - @ least five years. Shoot i'm not even 21 anymore. None of this is revelatory, but the way my age is suddenly affecting me is. My body is betraying me in all sorts of small ways and as much as i don't want to admit it, its bothering me.

Back in the day, maybe as recently as last year - i used to be able to go entire days without eating. Not that this was/is a good thing, because i know it isn't - but in the event that I did miss my reg scheduled meals, it wasn't a problem. I mean there might be a few hunger pangs, but i could easily talk myself out of it, do what i had to do, go home and stuff myself like the greedy Von glutton i am.

No Mas.

Today was kind of hectic, i couldn't find anything quick for breakfast in the AM - so i just skipped it. The hours went on, i forgot i didn't eat...and around 1:30 i started feeling dizzy, lightheaded, like maybe i was about to pass out. Since Pharrell was nowhere in the vicinity, i immediately ruled out the vapors. With no object of lust around to make me weak in the knees, I resorted to plan b. I began diagnosing myself with all sorts of rare incurable diseases. (I'm a functioning hypochondriac. don't judge me.) My first worry was this was finally diabetes catching up with me, and for a second i almost really passed out because i started thinking about how i would have to inject myself with needles and take my blood sugar and buy a one-touch and omg wilfred brimley...

Ok thats enough of that.

So then i started reasoning lucidly, and thats when it occurred to me that i had not eaten ALL day, save for two cups of tea. Hardly the breakfast of champions. I'm sure losers ingest more than that. By this time it was about 3 and it would really be ridiculous to go and get lunch, when the day would be over soon. I scrounged around my area looking for something to snack on, and finally found an old bag of smartfood popcorn that i had had @ my desk for some untold number of months. I opened those babies and chucked a few down my throat. Now im sure it was all in my mind, but as soon as i swallowed a handful, i immediately felt my countenance returning. Everything was zesty again. Nevermind the bag had an expiration date of 1/28/08. Thats just for the retailers right? :(

Anyway, it just saddened me that i can no longer treat my body any old kind of way. Not that i did, but you know, it sucks to no longer have the option. And, i ask you, what is life without options? Like if i wanted to go on an all weekend bender - ha right -, but if i did, i'd probably die for the shock it'd bring to my poor arthritic bones. (i felt a creak this morning, so im assuming its some early onset rheumatism.)

And then, earlier this evening, for the better part of an hour, i couldn't find my treo. I remembered having it my hand...and then, well i had no idea what i did with it. I looked high and low for it, to no avail. Now you may be thinking, "why not just call the phone and save yourself some trouble?" I wanted to - but at the same time, i felt like that would be giving in to my failing memory and i did not want to concede defeat. Unfortunately, i became so frustrated that i gave in, and called myself. I won't even discuss how i struggled with my number. There the phone was, ringing its little battery powered heart out in the 2nd floor hallway. It was sitting on the shelf where i keep the bath towels and sundry. I do not recall putting it there, but i know i must have. Btw, what are the signs for alzheimers?

And then i got this burn last week, and though its scabbing up nicely, im wondering how long the skin underneath is going to have that pale, melty look. :(

So now, im all paranoid about the aging process. Checking for cellulite where it never was before(ok im still good in that area) looking for sagging in places where it shouldnt be sagging, checking for crows feet, obsessing over non-existent wrinkles. The other day i was plucking a stray eyebrow hair in the mirror, and i noticed that when i raise my eyebrows, there seems to be an extra line there. I may have to do a greer childers and get my facial exercise on. By the way, i bought her bodyflex product a few years back. I can't say whether it worked or not, because i only used it about 3 times. Her routine may have some validity but i felt ridiculous doing it. One day i'll blog about the "as seen on tv" section of my house. lol

But yeah what are the options for maintaining my youthful firmness? I don't want to wind up looking like otis nixon. Botox? Nah. i am not sticking any botulism in my face, i may wind up looking like lara flynn boyle. Have you seen her lately???

Getting older is a menace. Part of me is like embrace it, these are gonna be the sexiest/happiest years of your life. But, the other part of me is like, stop trying to sugar coat it. you're old - and its only going downhill. You know, the part thats all wrinkly. I'm kidding. I don't have wrinkles yet, although i had a scare last week. That was just and ill placed shadow though.

Death and Taxes. Taxes and Death. Oh and maybe a baby or two somwhere in the middle. And stretchmarks. Omg the stretchmarks...

Like, im fully aware of the more pressing issues of the day: darfur, mugabe, argentina, poisonous cane toads... and for the most part, i'm jesting when i complain. I know that on the scale of serious issues, mine are quite low on the totem.

but still its like yo,when i go to bed i start thinking and doggone if my thoughts don't get kind of for whom the bell tolls at times. All gloom and doom and whatnot. Who said growing up was easy?

I'm still sexy though.

don't have the blues, but it sure has me...