THINGS THAT ANNOY ME

After learning the remedial nature of this blog (see: yesterday), i had to emote. I shed tears, punched a random kid, ate some cornflakes, (without sugar! my version of self flagellation) read norman cousins, (for perspective) and called ja rule(to make sense of all this). Now that my expurgation has taken place, i'm totally focused. Its imperative that this blog lose its elem. status. I don't know who these rating people are, but their opinion is something i hold dear. Not to mention, if i can't prattle on a higher level than elementary school, how in the world am i supposed to land the hunkiness that is Stephen Hawking? With this kind of showing he won't give me the time of day...on NGC224(andromeda galaxy). That man's perspiration has an IQ of 200. And so, project PompousInstitutionalModerne starts tomorrow. This blog will be junior high level or else! Hold on to your butts.

Until then, i figured i regale you guys with a list of some of my current peeves. Its been a while since i've done this, and there's been a build up.

Collectors edition magazines - Are we really supposed to buy every issue? Have the publishers seen the price of gas? Ebony, Vibe and Vogue Italia need to get a grip, stop being greedy, and give to the needy.

Janelle Monae - We get it. You're quirky and cute and making music that can't be easily categorized. Hotness. But, really.

Teddybear back packs - you know the ones that were all the rage in 1996. Remember the one the chick had in LL's hey lover video? Well, I hated them them and hate them now. I know they're pretty much out favor at this point, but i saw a chick rocking one last week. And i almost went into a blind rage.

High heeled sneakers - Remember the chick in LL's hey lover video? Scroll up. Yeah her. Same girl. She was wearing a pair. And in real life my homegirl had some. lol. They had the nerve to have lug soles. It took everything in me not to make fun of her. They were AWFUL. My cousin miguel wasn't as nice. It was cool though. He is one of those good natured folks who is hilarious. He could clown but he was so chill you couldn't take offense. It was good natured ribbing. but back to these sneakers/shoes. Its 2008 and they're still making them. Much to my chagrin.

Brazilian Rhyme - Before you strap me up by my toenails, i LOVE brazilian rhyme. I love it so much that i hate that its so short. I can resolutely say Its one of my favorite interludes evAr but its only like a minute and 30 secs. Maurice what were you thinking? i/we/you need MOAR

Speaking of Brazil, whats with these "brazilian" beauties that are really the progeny of german ex pats thanks to WWII? I mean really. If your surname has an umlaut its should be a dead giveaway. (i see you gisele!)

People who put ketchup on hotdogs. Its grilling season, and as such, i've been a witness to this atrocity. Beyond the age of say...12(and even that is pushing it) ketchup on a hotdog should be considered the vilest of vices. Its disgusting, repulsive and egregious. A hotdog -should you eat them - is a mustard/relish/kraut kind of meat product. Hold the heinz.(Or hunts, if thats your pleasure.) Truly this is some friendship ending behavior. Adults be wary: If you are my chum and i catch you putting ketchup on your weiner(pause), well, we may just have to call it a wrap. I mean, if you'll put ketchup on your hotdog, there's no telling what else you'll do.

White suits for men - never acceptable. ever. Unless your first name is frankie, last name beverly. If you must, please make sure that its made of a respectable (natural) fabric. Wool, cotton, linen. Never polyester. General rule of thumb is that if your suit will melt keep it away from your dermis.

Painted hardwood - a crime unto humanity.

People who can't go more that 50 ft outside of the house without having to go to the bathroom. Now i know that when you gotta go u gotta go(i have stories lol) but SHEESH. If everytime we go out you must the "facilities", - and not for checking your make up or straightening clothes - but to actually use the commode? You need to invest in some poise.

People who don't pronounce the H in Human: So um like i know aphesis is real and stuff, and i am a victim of it in everyday speech( i do pronounce herb - 'erb) but come on. Not pronouncing the H in the word human is just weird.

While we're @ it, people who put an R in sherbet. Its S-H-E-R-B-E-T not S-H-E-R-B-E-R-T. There isn't a second R in the word sherbet. doRk.

The fact that breadstick sauce doesn't come with pizza hut pizza. I'm a greedy lil' somethin and i like to dip my crust in the sauce. But if i don't get the breadsticks then i don't get the sauce. Wack.

Hand washables - an extra step i don't need in my life.

People who qualify the word "unique" -most unique, extra unique, very unique. There are no degrees of unique. Unique is absolute. If you feel compelled to use adverbs with unique, maybe you should find another word.