THE DECADE IN REVIEW 2000-2009

(the good, the bad, and the oooh i forgot about that!)

So, im at a point in my life where im thoroughly unoriginal, so i figured i'd jump on the bandwagon and do a review (by way of list, of course) of the past decade. Oh, and spare me the lecture of how "its technically not a decade until 2011, because there is no zero year...blah blah blah." We all know that. Don't we? No one came here for a treatise on the gregorian calendar anyway, and if someone did, i'm sorry to disappoint.

Anyway, here is my list of some of the most noteworthy things to have happened in the 10 years. Some things are only relevant to me (it is my list after all) others are on a worldwide scale. The list is in descending order, number one being the biggest event to happen in the past decade. Happy New Year!

50. sushi - for YEARS i refused to even try sushi. My argument? "I refuse to eat raw fish." Well since then i have mended my ways, and now i go HARD for sushi. And then i had the nerve to learn that the word sushi isn't even referring to the fish itself. Sushi is the vinegared rice. lol. What an idjit. Talk about eating crow! In fact I could go for some now... (sushi that is. not crow.)

49. high speed internet - WTF did we do before broadband?? I entered the decade still on 56k. Im leaving it with cable, and hopefully fios soon... whenever it gets to my neighborhood. lol. But yeah. It wasn't a big deal though, because the internet still was pretty new. But then I discovered...

48. napster - In 2000, before the dark times... before the empire, I discovered this little website called napster which can only be likened to musical crack. Every song I ever wanted was on there, and did i mention that it was free? Free before the copyright nazis got to it.

47. college graduation - y2k baby! I didn't think i'd make it. Here's the thing about me, Im a good student, but a lazy student. Good grades have always come easy for me, so I rarely if ever applied myself. Well this pathetic work ethic almost had me sitting at the sidelines come graduation.

46. the 80s - The 80s came back in style in the 2000s and though i grumbled initially... i eventually succumbed to its siren song. Frankie says what?

45. social networking - I can only speak for myself, but there is a singular thrill in see classmates that were all that back in the day, and realizing that being an early bloomer isn't what you thought it was.

44. First serious relationship - Yes somebody actually owned up to being in love my black a$$. lol.

43. getting engaged - And yes that somebody actually wanted to marry me! I know, its hard to believe. :-)

42. Elian Gonzales - What happened to dat boy?

41. puerto rico! - My first trip out of the country with my girlfriends, and it will always hold a special place in my heart. They have fine men there too. Aye Papi!

40. mexico! - tequila shots, senor frogs, sterling silver, ancient pyramids, snorkeling... and a bad case of montezuma's revenge. LOVED it!

39. italy! - Ciao Bella! The men like brown girls with big hair. At least the men i encountered. Very flirtatious, and they can make homeliest girl feel like halle berry. Oh, its beautiful too.

38. Cell Phones - My dad and my brother both had a cell before I did. Yep, the self-proclaimed technophile was late on the celly-bandwagon. Now that i have one I can't imagine what I'd do without it, especially since i cant stop...

37. Texting - Texting is one of the greatest inventions in life. You can have private convos in public. (just don't be rude please.) I've said this before, i text more than I talk (on the phone.) Texting tapped into the Mavis Beacon that lives inside of me and gave her wings. I cant fathom having a phone without a qwerty, and a plan that doesnt include unlimited texts.

36. Youtube - The first thing i saw on youtube was SNL sketch, "Lazy Sunday" (Its the chronic WHAT? 'cles of narnia) Since then, I can't think of a day i haven't visited the site, looking for random stuff... and i find it. Movie scenes... shoot, whole movies! Old school videos, basically, if you can think of it, its on youtube. And then there is the whole youtube celebrity thing...

35. You got pierced where? * Ahem*

34. AOL instant messenger - My BFF Ryan hooked me up with my AIM acct, he asked if i was on instant messenger, and was shocked when i said i wasn't. lol.This was way back in 02. I haven't used my AIM in months (its all about Gchat now) but AIM revolutionized my workday. Boredom no more!

33. Demotion of Pluto - I don't know about you, but I grew up with a 9 planet solar system. in 2006 it was brutally taken away and i'll admit, i'm still reeling.

32. C cup status - TMI? Maybe. The sweet spot of boob size. Not too big (gravity makes those puppies hang loooow outside a brassiere.) and not too small. One day i woke up, and i had some nice jubblies! lol. I remember getting teased in 8th grade for being flat up top, and wishing like the dickens for something up there. Well 10 years later i got them and now its like how ya like me now?

31. my first gay proposition - We were buddies at work, she was leaving the job, but not before she telling me that If i ever wanted to experiment, that she'd be down for the cause. Oh and she was ever so serious too.

30. Enron - Escandalo! Billions of dollars lost, and with them dreams of many were crushed. My first look into corporate greed.

29. Ipod - you mean i don't have to carry CDs with me any longer?

28. Pilates - in 01, i kept reading about this "Pilates" thing (i was pronouncing it py-lates in my head. lol) it was like very much like yoga.. but it wasn't, though i found most folks who did pilates did both. I took a class and fell in love. Initially i just wanted to be able to do a split. Now im all into it. Being flexible is pretty cool.

27. Salsa - the year is 04. My girl calls me up asking if i'd like to go to this salsa class with her. I say "why not?" and we go. Talk about hooked? Five years later and im still into it, strong. It really is a lot of fun.

26. Upright Bass - Yeah, im learning to play the Bass. I love it. It had been years since i'd taken a music lesson (i play flute actually) but now im learning this big commanding beast of an instrument, and its pretty dope. Look for me to perform in your local hip music venue in five years ;-)

25. Jam Master Jay is Murdered - Its still surreal.

24. 9/11 - Our Generation's 1914. The day that everything changed.

23. Shock and Awe - Orwell spoke on this kind of euphemistic wording in his brilliant essay "Politics and the English Language"

22. Sarah Palin - wait, so that accent just wasn't for the Mom's voice on Bobby's World? People really talk like that?

21. Random a$$ celebrities - Notoriety isn't just for movie stars and musicians anymore. It could be me, but it seems the 2000s ushered in an era of being famous just for being famous. Socialites weren't just content with being rich, they also had to be in our face 24/7. There is no reason that my dad should know who Paris Hilton is. But yet, he does.

20. Mama's Gun - This album had me open for a year after its release. I was an incense burnin, flowy dress sportin, headwrap wearin, deep "sista" for a LONG time. The live instrumentation, the lyrics... and GREEN EYES. I've since toned down the bohemian vibe a little(...i recently discovered im still quite boho lol), but all it takes is a few notes from Orange Moon and im there all over again...

19. Indian Ocean Tsunami - The death toll kept rising and rising... i remember getting up in the morning, before work, and checking the news hoping that the number hadn't changed. Seeing the wreckage afterwards and being so sad, that after a while i refused to watch the news anymore. Unfortunately, the very next year...

18. Hurricane Katrina - I came down with the flu the day before Katrina hit. I laid up in bed for day, fixated on CNN, watching the destruction that followed. I was horrified, but couldn't look away. I couldn't believe this was happening on "our" soil. Whereever did i get the idea that the USA was impervious to natural disaster?

17. Sade - This woman is timeless, effortless. In the past ten years she's released ONE ALBUM. She's gone for years, comes back and she hasn't been forgotten, people want her even more. She has a cool beauty, a refinement, a cerebral sexiness that I can only hope to have. She makes me want to be 50. (i'll be patient though.) ;-)

16. Elian Gonzalez (what happened to dat boy?)

17. Wardrobe Malfunction - the busted seam heard 'round the world. You haven't lived until you have the pleasure of seeing janet jackson's nipple with your (then) 14 year old brother.

16. Victor Yushchenko - who? The former president of the Ukraine who suffered (and eventually died) from dioxin poisoning. Political Intrigue is real.

15. Terry Schiavo - :-(

14. My New Crib - Can I claim grown up status?

13. Swine Flu - Stop kissing pigs you freaks!

10. Dirty Thirty - That 30th birthday was a doosy. Now im a little more okay with being in my 30s... kinda. lol.

9. Hometown sports - BBall championship in 2001. No win. Superbowl in 2004. No win. Finally we reach the prize in 2008 in the world series.

8. Wikipedia - (finally a compendium of all things, great and small. At my finger tips even. (fact check before quoting your source though. lol)

7. Snuggie - don't front, you kinda want one too.

6. Nerds - we came into our own in the year 2G and beyond. Folks didn't realize all the sexy hiding behind the glasses. Now everybody wants to be one. NUH UH. Poseurs!

5. GOOGLE - my mother, my father, my sister, my brother, my pusher. What is the internet without google? For all intents and purposes, google IS the internet. (and can someone explain to me google wave??)

4. Three bammas and an Oscar - Or their professional name: 3-6 mafia. I still can't believe they won either. LOL.

3. Obama - "though it seems heaven sent, we ain't ready to have a black president" On a remote island in the pacific, tupac is puffing on a stogie, smiling with disbelief.

2. Michael Jackson dies - I still can't believe he's gone.

1. S-E-X is invented- Standing ovation for trey songz and his pioneering spirit! Where were you when sex was invented? Better yet, what were you doing? I can tell you what you weren't doing, you were definitely not having sex. So, what have we been doing all this time? And for that matter, how did we all get here? I don't know, but it wasn't through sex. But now that its been invented, i hope we all have plenty of it. :-)

So thats my list. I've left many things out i know. You have some? Please share. :-)

TOP 10 "SEASONAL" THEMED SONGS

This time of year we are bombarded by holiday music. Unfortunately most songs are just sentimental schmaltz. Then again, i shouldn't balk, because I'm a sentimental schmaltz. So, perhaps thats part of the allure. At any rate, if you venture out into public places, its near impossible to escape its tinsel tinged clutches. Add to this the fact that these songs have the unerring quality of getting stuck in your brain. By the end of Christmas season your senses wil have been so overwhelmed by the sound of ringing, you won't know if its sleigh bells or your tinnitus.

Anyway, here are 10 songs of the season that I enjoy and don't mind hearing (especially since I don't have a choice. lol)

1. The Christmas Song - Nat "King" Cole's version please. In my opinion, its the best. Others will do, but only Nat's silky vocals can do the supreme justice to the song (which, btw, Mel torme wrote!)

2. This Christmas - Donny Hathaway. LOVE this song and I only want to hear HIS version. The breakdown in the middle (1:59-2:16) be getting (yes BE) me open! Chris (two fists) Brown did a version and it was an abomination. Autotune and Donny do not belong together. *shudder*

3. Last Christmas - Wham. Another song where only THEIR version will do. Some teeny bopper (taylor swift?) remade it recently and when I heard it blaring through Dollar General's sound system, I almost commited hara kiri on the spot.

4. Let It Snow - Boyz II Men - I hate snow, but when this song comes on, i almost don't mind it. Almost.

5. Baby Its Cold Outside - Any version as its almost impossible to do this duet wrong. I am partial to the Vanessa Williams and Bobby Caldwell's rendition.

6. Sleigh Ride - TLC. I came of age in the 90s and thus this song holds a special charm for me. Don't judge!

7. Skating - Vince Guaraldi/Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack - a beautiful song that i wish was longer.

8. Winter Wonderland - Don't know who wrote it, but any version will do. Its just a fun song to sing.. and torment people with at karaoke! :)

9. All I want for Christmas is you - Mariah Carey (see number 6 for exposition. lol)

10. My Favorite Things - John Coltrane. Easily one of my favorite songs of any genre. Love this song.

So here they are. What do you think? What are yours? Did I miss any?

My Favorite Things - John Coltrane

HAPPY WINTER SOLSTICE!

In Ancient Rome this time period was marked by festivals to their harvest god Saturn and accompanied by feasts that celebrated the Return of Mithras (their Sun god) from his slumber. I won't be doing all that - though i did wiggle it just a little bit(as it grooved) when i awakened this morning - but still, the day bears remarking. Why?

DAYS WILL NOW BE GETTING LONGER. (i know, i totally did this same entry around last year lol. But now you know how important this day is to me.)

Yes, it also marks the official start of winter (and given the obscene amt of snow dropped upon us this past week, we are off to an auspicious start!) but it also means that the hours of daylight are increasing. Gradually at first, but eventually the sun will be caressing our skin as we make our way home from work, a reprieve from the dark skies and cold breezes that are our lot now. I couldn't be happier. The sun actually will actually sets a minute later tomorrow than it did today, and that minute is a salve to my soul. Today is a "hang in there, its almost over" kind of day.

Of course it also means that springs is on its merry way, and with spring comes my birthday, but i'll obsess over that later. :)

And now we come to the part in our program where i must give a few shout outs. My fellow bloggers, Jazzbrew, and Mr Mobley, have both been priveleged to conduct interviews with the redoubtable Terence Blanchard and Kareem Abdul Jabbar, respectively. Yes, you read right. The musician and basketball star. Mmhmm. So don't get all jealous that they have skillz and you don't, just click those links and check for the interviews. These gentlemen both killed it.

50 THINGS THAT DIDN'T SUCK ABOUT 2009

With the new year quickly approaching (2010?? I never thought i'd see the day) I figured i'd enter it with a little positivity. Its very easy to recount the bad, while the good remains unremarked upon. I know i'm guilty of this all the time. See: 95% of my entries.

Anyway i figured i'd try something new, as im in a ridiculously good mood. These are the first 10... I'll be posting the rest in the upcoming weeks.

Let us begin:

1. My bank account: While never a spendthrift per se, Once i got my first decent paying gig - i fell into the bad habit of indulging myself. ALL. THE. TIME. I had a nice wardrobe, but my bank account was smaller than meager. Now i've learned to balance my needs and wants. And wants vs. wants. Now im not embarrassed if the person behind me sees my receipt from the atm. lol

2. My hair - I go hard for natural hair. In fact, i always have... but for other people. I used to be too shy to wear my fro to work. Strictly a vacation, slumming look. Now i'm wearing it all the time and loving it.

3. My nephew. I'm like a real grown up now, because i have a rugrat calling me - ok he aint talking yet - aunt. (well tia to be exact) He's the illest.

4. People. Ok... people did suck in 2009(as they did every year before that) but serendipity kissed me on the forehead and blessed me with meeting a few (emphasis on few) that did NOT suck. Even moving into the echelon of my favorite people/persons. Its refreshing to genuinely like someone. Three cheers for kindred spirits!

5. Battlestar Galactica.

6. Celebrity nude photo "leaks." - I'm sure we've all seen the Rihanna and Cassie photos. If you haven't, google using the keywords "rihanna nude". And while that sucks for them, it was a boon for me. Why? I saw what they're working with and realized that yeah... if i had the publicity machine behind me, i'd be killin em too. They look great, but, not to toot my own horn, so do I. And for that matter, so do you! It was all a matter of putting things in perspective. And though i may never be as taut as beyonce during her world tours, it doesn't mean i look bad. Somebody gon' like it!

7. Leggings. I did them in 89 and again in 92. I fought the trend hard when it came back around, but now i can say im a believer. They're comfortable, allow ease of movement, and if youre in decent shape, make you look good too. lol

8. Gone with the wind (as long as im making lists, i will find a way to put this on it. lol)

9. Esperanza Spalding - You know how people tell you to check out an artist, and its like "meh?" Well from the moment i heard her version of Ponte De Areia, i knew i was going to be a fan. She is now my bass playing muse.

10. My skin. Finally like, no zits! Of course the years when i was the young debutante who could have USED flawless skin are behind me, but better late than never I suppose. Finally a face not marred by blemishes! Ok, i got one the other day but even its like not social life threatening (the measuring stick by which i monitor all my skin conditions is: "will i go out like this?") Who am i kidding? I don't go out. But if i did, my skin would surely the barometer...

Eddie Kendricks - People... Hold On

50 THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY

This one is at the behest of my homie/antagonist, "that dude". You might know him from such posts as...lol

Anyway, i find making lists is not as challenging as writing an actual entry, so maybe i'll be listing until the mood to blog hits again...

Without further delay...

1. my nephew
2. phone calls and emails from my grandmother just to say hi, and a "i love you"
3. an afternoon full of absolutely nothing
4. seeing a pair of shoes on sale, asking if they have any left in my size - and finding out they do.
5. a favorite movie being broadcast on television. Nevermind that i own the DVD.
6. dancing
7. finding money left in a coat pocket from a previous season.
8. Being myself with someone.
9. a full tank of gas.
10. Surprising people with gifts.
11. My mommy.
12. Meeting someone and realizing you're going to be great friends.
13. Gone with the Wind (movie or book)
14. Waking up in the middle of the night and seeing its only 12, and you still have hours left for sleep.
15. Fresh, hot, expertly salted McDonald's Fries.
16. Target.
17. Seeing a movie and it really lives up to the hype.
18. That moment on a friday when you get home from work and you have the entire weekend in front of you.
19. Making someone laugh.
20. Having someone make me laugh. To the point of tears.
21. Napoleon Dynamite
22. Peach Cobbler
23. Being retweeted on twitter.
24. learning a new word.
25. Scrabble.
26. Road trips.
27. Youtubing videos of Esperanza Spalding.
28. Dorky inside jokes. (Strong filly! LOL)
29. Finally understanding a mathematical concept.
30. Lucky Charms.
31. Apple cider WITH the cinnamon stick.
32. Quoting a movie or a song and people GET the quote.
33. Having my headphones on and listening to the same song over and over, but no one can get mad because im the only one hearing it.
34. Cream Soda.
35. Hearing my dad grudgingly admit he likes a song made post 1975.
36. Hearing him trying to explain why he likes said song: "well it sounds like an oldie..."
37 A good natured joning session.
38. Perfectly cooked steak.
39. Blog comments :-)
40. Being productive.
41. Being okay with not being productive.
42.That moment you finish cleaning your bedroom and everything is in its place.(cuz you know its only seconds before it starts getting messy again)
43. Fresh high thread count sheets.
44. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens :-)
45. My skin after a shea butter application. (soft like whoa!)
46. Finishing a crossword puzzle.
47. Tea.
48. listening to good music
49. Twilight zone marathons
50. Long hugs. (from/with someone i care about. Not trying to share a protracted embrace with jimmy the janitor. lol)

SWV - Use Your Heart

OH WAIT...

So i make my last entry, and then i see this. lolz :-/

Confound it! I hate when the internet touches a nerve!

The Meantime Girl -

She’s the one you call when you’re bored or sometimes when you and your significant other had a fight because she makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She’s the one you spend time with between buddies, before you find “The One”. You know the one who hangs around in the meantime.

She’s too laidback, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She’s too understanding, too comfortable – she doesn’t make you feel nervous or excited the way a “real woman does. But she’s cool, nice, funny and attractive enough that when you’re lonely or horny and need an intimate female companionship, she’ll do just fine.

You don’t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already. She’s not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don’t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her.

It won’t bother that you would text her sometimes just to say not to text you because you’re with your girlfriend. She’s just sooo cool…why can’t all women be like that? But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don’t because to you, the situation between the two of you isn’t important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it’s really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think she’s good enough to spend any real time with.

Sure, it’s mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to give in to your needs —- she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them does, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn’t pull it off. Maybe she’s not really your type. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman.

She’s just too thoughtful. She’ll sometimes buy you things you need; she’ll sometimes buy you or cook midnight snacks for you and personally deliver it in your place. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do. She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has the bigger heart than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is. She’s just your convenient excuse to fool around.

(via email, 2001)

New Edition - You're Not My Kind of Girl

GENDER NEUTRAL?

What's the inverse of a fag hag?

Somewhere along the way, i've become a guy's gal, and im not sure how I feel about it. The formerly unknown transition was made painfully evident to me last Thursday evening, when i stopped through my boys house and sat with him and his buddies for a few hours. (He's Trinidadian, and when he cooks I always gotta come get some. lol)

We laughed, joked, watched the game, talked about women (shakira vs ciara vs rihanna vs beyonce vs halle vs nia vs stacey...) talked about sports, talked about electronics...

It was an enjoyable time, none of the guys made passes at me, everything was copacetic.

But as the hours passed, a funny thing occurred. I started to feel neutered.

Here i was, a reasonably engaging woman, looking cute (if i say so myself) surrounded by a bunch of dudes...

and none of them made a pass at me?? LOL

What's worse, i was getting shoulder nudges and pounds like i was a dude! Seriously. It was like i was a guy. WTF.

Ordinarily, i would have been cool with this, but for some reason that day it bugged me. I love that dudes always feel cool around me, but i began to wonder if my ease in masculine dominated environments are because of my perceived lack of womanly-ness. I don't want to seem cool because i am viewed as another man. Or if not a full blown "man", a man-like substance.

The icing on the cake was when my boy declared that he was glad that i wasn't "so girly."

Um what?

I mean i have breasts and a booty and a waist dangit! How much more girly can you get? Is that why you are giving me pounds and slapping me on my back like im your homie from around the way?

Ok, i am his homie from around the way but still.

It was very unsettling. Here i am, thinking im just a cool person, but now i wasn't so sure.

Not that i want every man to see me as a sex object. But dang. Is there a healthy happy medium? Do i either have to be uber sexy woman or tomboy-esque?

Im probably coming across as vain. I admit my vanity was a little, um wounded.

Even if you don't want me for yourself, surely you can't be blind to my femininity? When other women entered the room it was a different vibe. But as soon as said woman vacated, it was back to boys club.

I guess i could take it as a compliment, but i mean... yeah.

As is my usual MO, im probably putting way too much thought into this.

But still, when i came home, i sat in front of the tv, sulked, and ate an entire pint of haagen dazs.

How's that for girly?

Les Nubians - Makeda

I'LL TUMBL FOR YA

Its no secret that this blog hasn't been moving me lately. Actually it hasn't been moving much of anyone, as evidenced by the dearth of readers. My last moment of inspiration came when i was writing my list. There's probably a message in there somewhere...

Anyway, i've found a new pleasure. Actually i've had this pleasure for a while, its just that i've just now decided to share it with you all. (do you all even exist anymore?)

Its tumblr, and it speaks to me on a very basic level. I can post pictures, passing thoughts and random quotes multiple times a day. Where one entry per 24 hour period seems to suffice here, a tumblelog begs for constant - albeit brief - updates. Where pictures posted on this blog seem a bit narcissisistic(i truly think i butchered that spelling), pictures on a tumblelog add flavor. And when quotes on a traditional blog seem pretentious, quotes on a tumblelog seem to give it a depth.

So when i don't feel like being verbose, you can catch me there. Long wordy blogs will still come here, but other than that...

50 QUALITIES.... contd

So here are the final 24 on "list". (50-26 = 24... right? ...wait, yall aint suffosed to know i suck at math. lol)

The list is by no means exhaustive (as i was writing, more and more things were popping into my head, i could've easily reached 75, maybe 100) but I said 50, so I'm sticking to my word, and not going to bore yall with more than that. I do feel like i must make the disclaimer that i do NOT live or die by this list. In fact, i didn't really know what it was that attracted me to certain men (i could always elaborate on what repelled me) until I actually had to quantify it.

Wait.

Omg, did i just discover something about myself?? I usually try hard not to do that. Plausible deniability you know. :-)

By the way, listmaking is fun.

Without further ado:

27. Is taller than I am...in my highest heels... PLUS a few inches. I know i said i wasn't going to list any physical attributes, but i had to make an exception with this one. The idea of being married to someone my height or shorter just doesn't work for me. It doesn't take much to be taller than i am (sigh) when i'm in my stocking feet, so i had to make the "in heels" stipulation. No Tom Cruise/Nicole Kidman-ing(katie holmes) over thissaway.

28.Enjoys the sound of silence. (Except when i want to talk, and discuss feelings and stuff. Then he LURVES the sound of my voice. lol)

29. Is liberal with hugs, and isn't wimpy with it. Squeeze me till i can't breathe. Make me feel that isht! :-)

30. Is a good kisser.

31. Kisses for no reason.

32. Listens, and is compassionate.

33. Can deliver a mean shoulder rub.

34. Is handy. There's just something about a man who knows his way around a toolbox. ROWR!

35. Wants kids.

36. Doesn't disparage video games. I find this is an issue more with women than with men but still. I'm a child of the 80s. I discovered blip in a dusty corner of the family room closet and it was over from there. My family didn't get our first video game system (nintendo with the gun AND power pad!) until 1990, but that didn't stop me from getting my electronic fix elsewhere. I remember going to my cousins house, barely saying hello to my aunt and uncle...and heading straight for their apple IIGS. (i LIVED for summer and winter games) So yeah, old habits die hard. I'm grown and have responsibilities now, but i can't front. I still get hype over my games. But don't get it twisted, doesn't mean i can't function in respectable society. lol.

37. Has short fingernails.

38. Doesn't paint his nails. I don't care if it is CLEAR! *gag*

39. Is a man. Piggybacking off of 37... If my dude has more creams and lotions than i do (shoot. even if we have equal amounts) we have a problem. I'm all for keeping a situation moisturized, and wanting to look good, but there is something twisted and evil about a a man who is prone to primping. (see: Sammy Sosa)

40. Cuddles. (yeah, i said it.)

41. Is laid back.

42. But isn't the poster boy for inertia.

43. Likes to dance. I don't need fred astaire, but please be willing to at least do a two step. Nothing worse than going out to dance, but homie refuses to dance! So you're left dancing with your girls, (which, is fun, i won't lie) dancing with the dude with sweaty palms and a wandering eye, or sulking in a corner all night. Not fun. Bonus points if he is willing to take a dance class (or classes) with me.

44. Humble, while knowing his strengths.

45. Lets me put my feet under him when we are sitting on the sofa and watching tv/a movie. (bonus points if my feet are under him AND we are watching gone with the wind.)

46. Loves his mom. As my mother (along with millions of mothers around the world i'm sure) has said: "look how he treats his mother, that's a good indication of how he will treat you." As with anything, there are exceptions: but this is my rule of thumb. If he treats his mother like crap... you won't be far behind.

47. Shares my Dallas Cowboys hate, or if not hate, disdain.

48. Kills bugs without making a big production over how i'm closer to it and in the time i took to go find him to tell him to kill it, i could have been killed it myself and omg lex the spider wasn't even that big! (bonus points if he doesn't try to scare me with the carcass)

49. Laughs at my corny jokes. (this should probably be number one. lol)

50. Finds me just as awesome as i find him.

Kenny Dorham - Afrodisia

50 QUALITIES I DESIRE IN MY NEXT SIGNIFICANT OTHER

So this afternoon i had a perfectly lightweight and enjoyable conversation with one of my homegirls about qualities we desire/look for in a potential SO.

(sidenote: when did SO supplant boyfriend/girlfriend in defacto slanguage? Does the latter sound too juvenile? I was still saying boyfriend not too long ago until i realized everybody had moved beyond that. Late, as usual.)

So while they are still fresh on my mind, i decided to list them here. Things related to physical appearance are left out, because well, they make me look shallow. I'll admit to having a type, but that information is neither here nor there. Looking over some of these, i realize that technically they aren't all "qualities". Some are behaviors, and mannerisms. But the general idea is there. Also, this is not a plea for someone to hook me up. Just some fun on a lazy Sunday evening.

These are the first 26. I'm halfway through my list, and my hands are tired. Stay tuned for the second half. :-)

Hereee we go:

He:

1. Is genuinely nice. Yeah yeah, nice is a bland descriptor, but when you meet someone who is, at heart, a really nice person? You understand why the word was invented in the first place. The world is full of jackasses, but i don't need/want to be dating one.

2. Can deliver snark, and can handle mine. There's nothing like being out in public, seeing some craziness and feeling the freedom to pop off some acerbic observational wit. Don't make me feel like the worst person on earth! join in! :-)

3. Likes sports. Especially football. In my life i've met a few men who don't watch any sports. Crazy right! They told me this proudly, like maybe it would impress. I found it disconcerting. This sounds weird but it made them seem less masculine. Maybe i'm exposing my limitations but so be it. **I** can't handle that. At least enjoy watching table tennis or something!

4. Eats meat. Its a new era and most people are concerned about health and the things they put in their bodies, but you gotta be able to get down with a nice juicy steak every at least once in a while. Or a burger. Shoot, grilled chicken works. Bonus points if you eat pork. (do they still make those?)

5. ...But is not afraid to do the vegetarian thing on occasion. There are times when i have gone a week without any kind of meat in my diet. Salads, soups, tofu, beans... there are delicious alternatives to meat. Its nice to have a man who won't freak out if i make a meal sans flesh.

6. Doesn't mind that im a homebody.

7. Doesn't mind being a homebody with me.

8. Enjoys having long conversations about irrelevant, immaterial and completely asinine subjects. (for ex: which snorks were black)

9. But can flip the script and have deep mindblowing conversations about saving the planet, the state of the economy, or why felicity was a better show than dawson's creek. :-)

10. A great sense of humor. The quirkier the better. Marilyn Monroe said "If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything." She's 99% right.

11. Watches or will watch star wars. If you haven't seen it, then let me introduce you. If you are deadset against it, then we probably have nothing more to say to each other. lol.

12. reads. (books!)

13. Is smart. Not so smart that they make me feel dumb though. (My ego is fragile Stephen.)

14. Can drive.

15. Doesn't live or die by gender roles but deep down subscribes to the basic ones: i.e. Men put out the trash. :-)

16. Understands im generally antisocial.

17. But knows that doesn't mean he can get away with never taking me out! lol

18. Is supportive

19. Is a nerd. And NOT in name only. I've met so-called nerds before, but when its time to do something nerd-like (for date night, make plans to watch the history channel Universe marathon; Check out the Canaan Israel exhibit at the museum ) they balk! fakeurs!

20. Is a gentleman.

21. Can handle the fact that my crush on Pharrell Williams will probably never go away. And yes, i actually was ogling him in the video that just came on. I get points for honesty right?

21. Is great at pillow talk.

22. Will, at least once during our relationship, sit and watch all of Gone With the Wind with me. Just once is all i ask. With no complaints about the running time. Bonus points if he pretends he likes it. :-)

23. Likes my friends (or gives a good impression lol) and Loves my family.

24. Doesn't mind my occasional bouts of clingyness (not crippling clingy)

25. Knows how to argue without attacking the achilles. Even the best relationships experience heated exchanges, and mine are not exempt. So let us have a "spirited discussion" but keep it clean! but bringing up how i _________ in such an emotionally charged moment is below the belt man.

26. Understands that i'm basically full of isht, but loves me anyway. :-)



Marvin Gaye - Come get to this

THIS IS IT

In honor of the posthumous release of Michael Jackson's Concert footage I have uploaded video and a picture saluting (one of) my heroes. Last night I discovered i was wearing an MJ-esque ensemble (white t-shirt/ black leggings) all i had left to do was grab my fedora (yes i own a man's fedora) and a glove. My friend snapped the pic et voila! Unfortunately i had no sequined gloves (who does?) I didn't even have a white glove. My brown kidskin leather was a fine stand in though. It would have been cooler if i had some white tape around my fingers though.

And the piece de resistance? Some video of me dancing to off the wall. Its very short, and not all that sweet, but it was the least i could do for the king.

Other than see the film.

P.S. sorry for the film quality... but its just as well. If rhythm is a dancer, then i'm a parapalegic. Yikes! You'd never guess i've been taking dance lessons for years! I suck at freestyle! This is a horrible development. That's why you shouldn't watch yourself on film. :-(

P.P.S. this video happened early this morning, as i woke up way early and had nothing better to do. I promise it will never happen again!

UT TENSIO, SIC VIS

So last week i was on a much needed (dare i say, deserved?) holiday. I'll say this -- it isn't until you can release the tension that you realize just how highly wound you are. I know i thought i was handling the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune quite dandily. But without having to deal with my everyday stressors, i felt as if the rock of gibraltar were lifted off my back. And i didn't even know it was there in the first place. If there were such things as harmonic oscillators for the spirit/mind - i know mine would have read off the charts. I was like a tightly compressed coil. The first day of my vacation i slept the best sleep i've had in months! Woke up chipper and what not. lol. Unfortunately vacations don't last forever, so here i am -- back to life, back to reality.

And hey, what's with the rain?

Anyway, now that i'm back i figured i may as well tend to my very neglected blog. I don't have much to say, but that emo a$$ entry at the top of my page was bugging me. All naked and stuff. At my privy without even some fig leaves to obscure my dishabille! My goodies, my goodies, not my goodies! I experienced cognitive dissonance every time i saw the title. Nah.. i had to update. Someone new may stumble on this blog(yeah right. I think i've lost every reader), and think i have actual feelings! That i hurt! And even worse... that i care!

So what's new with me?

-I've decided i'm going to get serious and start penning my memoirs. As i was sitting on the beach, staring blankly at the horizon while absentmindedly drinking my vichy, I realized that my insanely boring, pedantic existence needs to be in print. No, seriously. Everyone needs to know how the sunlight dappled through the passing stratus clouds and caressed my metatarsals. And how as the day progressed, its heated fingers moved to my shin, and in a fit of daring moved up to the knee. I had to halt it from reaching my femur, because well, that's just fresh.

As i scrunched the densely packed sand in my right hand in order to form a crude sphere to throw at my friend's head, it dawned on me that everything i've experienced should be recorded for posterity. Like my so called life... in book form. And highly melanated. I mean, yeah, my stuff is rote, but its real! And honestly, who can tell my story better than I? (yes yes i know, who said anyone is even remotely interested in my story? I did. Now shut it.) Besides, now more than ever there is a market for the mundane. Look at what people are watching: The office, Curb your enthusiasm, thirty rock... Its practically a no brainer.

I've even come up with a working title:

"Moot: the chronicles of a woman always on the cusp."

It'll be a humorous retelling of all my life's mishaps, and how i finally found freedom when i stopped trying so hard, -- because, in the end, its all for naught anyway. I know, i know the theme reeks of absurdism with a piquant nihilistic base note, but I assure you that *i* don't have such a bleak outlook. Camus this is not. :-)


-I'm flexing my musical muscle again. I think i've mentioned this before but in case you didn't know, I took flute all through out elementary and HS. After failed attempts with trumpet and piano, flute was the only thing that stuck. However instead of picking up old faithful, i'm going in an entirely different direction and i'm learning how to play the upright bass. Yes. the big fiddle. An instrument i have always wanted to learn but for weirdo/lame reasons, i shied away from taking. My mom actually wanted me to learn it or Cello. But noooo. So now that i'm old as dirt, with a brain functioning at half mast, i'm attempting this feat of strength. I'm comin for you Esperanza! (albeit with creaky knees.)

Stay tuned for updates :-)

-I've accepted that i am boho. This is not easy for me, for even as fight for the right to label others... i hate being labeled myself.(there's a dichotomy there somewhere). I've fought against boho stamp for years... but i became resigned to my fate when on this recent holiday, over 700 miles from home, i was overjoyed because i found a natural shop that sold black soap(a MUST if you have dry sensitive skin) shea butter, and coconut oil(organic extra virgin and cold pressed). I was teased mercilessly because every morning i awakened and drank my elixir (apple cider vinegar, water and blackstrap molasses) and suggested for the days we cooked that we try, um whole wheat pasta and brown rice. I always thought i did these things for health, or at least claimed i did... but maybe there's a more sinister reason behind it. LOL. Not to mention... in the not too distant past, i was a regular at a coffee shop (i even eulogized it) brushing elbows with people who, without any sense of irony, use words like hotep and king in everyday speech. I thought i escaped their patchouli scented tentacles... but alas. It did indeed rub off. Bohoes are like phages! getting into my DNA and what not. Replicating on the low.

I will say i'm more of a boho/prep hybrid. After all, i still spell Africa with a C. I do love my flowy dresses and natural hair(um my hair has been the bomb lately but i'll spare yall that) sterling silver and semi precious stones... but i love my low ponytails, loafers, button downs and popped collars too. Take that take that! But wait... i also wear buddy holly glasses and will occasionally sport a two finger ring. Does this mean i'm a hipster too?? FOCK!

Slum Village (can't be boho and not love the EssVee)

Selfish



Climax (sexy beat...i mean, yeah. Who has an instrumental? )

THE QUANDARY OF THE PRIVATE PERSON

I'm not sure when it began.

Maybe it was when i was just a wee bairn, hanging with my cousin. She was (and still is lol) a year my junior. At the time we were inseparable, we wanted to do everything together. She was my first bff. When i was around 7, I noticed that because she was the more gregarious engaging one, people paid more attention to her. They laughed at her jokes, and in general, were awestruck by her presence. (yes we were kids and yes "they" were adults.) I didn't mind being the "oh... she's so quiet!" one because i loved my cousin dearly. But i couldn't help feel the shadow that descended upon me whenever we were together, and in the presence of others.

Maybe it was in elementary school, where i noticed that my perceived shyness was not an asset, but a detriment, and being *just* a good student would never win any hearts. Being quiet and respectful doesn't get you chalkboard washing privileges. (i don't know about yall but washing the blackboard was like *that* back in the day)

Maybe it was when i hit puberty and the combination of my natural reticence coupled with the woes of hormonal changes wreaked havoc on me. I felt clumsy, looked clumsy, and my retiring personality retired even more. I shrank inside myself because i was uncomfortable being in the forefront of anything.

Maybe it was a combination of all three experiences.

Whenever it started, the fact remains that along the way i became an extremely private person. While i have grown beyond my shrinking violet stage, I still find it hard to share "myself" with most people. Initially I was being reactionary. My experiences as a child and young adult had led me to believe that unless you are outgoing and vivacious, people are not interested in what you say, think or feel. Its so very easy to tune out the quiet voice of the girl (or boy) in the corner. What attracts more attention, the rooster or the peacock? I was always the rooster. Er, uh hen. But eventually, what was once reactionary was hard wired in my psyche. I found it easier to work out problems - big or small - by myself. My ruminations were just that, mine. I was always a thinker, but now i was a rampant self-effacer.

As a direct cause of being not listened to - i became a listener. Advice was never my strong point, but what i lacked in practical counsel, i made up for in my ear, and mental time. I was a confidante. A role i didn't mind, I felt honored that my friends felt comfortable enough with me to talk about things. Not because I was nosy (well maybe a little, don't judge me!) but because I genuinely care(d). On a deeper level, I think I found solace in being the listening ear that I never had the pleasure of experiencing. And because i never was the gossipy type, they could rest assured that whatever was told to me would remain between us. (vault baby!) On my end there was something empowering (ugh did i just type that? lol) about providing that safe haven for the for the talker.

But something has gone awry. People have begun to (erroneously) assume that because I don't talk about myself much, that its really because there is nothing to talk about. The white-bread-vanilla-pudding-friend with nothing going on beyond the facade. Slowly surely i have been reduced from a confidante to a sounding board - an echo chamber for the thoughts and feelings of (some)friends. I've relegated to a passive role in the conversation, and once the talker is done emoting... well, wham, bam thank you ma'am. Oh i can't finish too?

In theory i shouldn't mind i suppose, because, well, i'd really rather NOT discuss my personal stuff. With most folks anyway. BUT (and this is a big ol booty) at the same time, i'd like to know that i'm more than just a receptacle for vents, and that people actually care about what is going on with me. (even though its hard to get it out.) I mean when the people i listen to outweigh the people who listen? Houston, we have a problem.

I understand its partially my "fault". I don't give up much, so I can't be (too) mad if folks think of that as the status quo.

I remember a friend of mine telling me that it seemed I had everything together. this was met with an O_O on my part, because I am a delicious mess most of the time. But anyway, if he thought that... maybe others do too? Like maybe when you ask me how i'm doing you really don't need to wait for the answer because the assumption is that i am always doing fine?

But it really hit me that some folks view me as no more than a vessel for venting when talking to my homegirl last night. Now, she's the type that is always is in the midst of a "situation". Every situation is pressing and full of daytime drama. Work, men, money... you name it. She puts the giiiirl in girlfriend. Well last night,we weren't really talking about anything of import and my heart was kind of heavy. It was one of those rare occasions I felt like sharing. I mean shoot. I got situations too.

I started to dish.

Funny thing happened. Within a few minutes (and some mmhmms uh huhs forreals?) the convo got turned back on her. And not because she was going to assist me by relaying a related story. No. She was talking about herself.

What's worse? I automatically assumed the position of therapist/listener - because that is what I always do. I had easily slipped into my defacto role.

Inside though, I was heated. Like pissed. The one time i decide to be candid and you are so self absorbed you don't even realize?? Lemme tell you. It takes a lot to get me mad, but when this sister gets hot... boy how she sizzles. (plus five if you source that one) A few times i tried to steer the conversation back, but she was like Safe lite glass ® and my thought pebbles just bounced off of her.

...

Brutal, brutal simile i know. Forgive me.

It called to mind when i was 14 years old. I had this terrible terrible crush, and the dude called me. His lead off to our conversation? "I was bored and i decided to call you..." Now i was 14 at the time and he was 16 and i was smitten beyond words so the fact that i was his last ditch effort from dying of boredom didn't really phase me. But looking back? I'm like WTF? That was some rude slimy isht. Almost as bad as you calling someone and they telling YOU that they are gonna "let you go". LOL. But yeah, at the time, I was just ecstatic that he called. Of course that wouldn't fly today - "take your boredom thattaway!" But the common thread between both these incidents is that in both, my feelings were taken as of little consequence.

Fortunately the conversation with my homegirl was cut short by another call i had to take. One that was much more fulfilling, might i add. But i felt unsettled for the rest of the night.

Am i that unremarkable?

Of course the answer is no. Not to get all cee-lo and his perfect imperfections on you, but really, all of us are remarkable and worthy. Deep down i know that. I mean its not even deep down. Its a trueism that my mother has instilled in me since day one. I refuse to let cavalier treatment of me effect my self worth.

But i'd be lying if i said it didn't hurt.

Stevie Wonder - Superwoman (where were you when i needed you)

THE AUTUMNAL EQUINOX

So the autumnal equinox was today. While not exactly 12 hours of day and 12 hours of night (as the name equinox suggests), its is a remarkable day nonetheless. If you lived on or near the equator, you would have the distinct pleasure(that's if you're a nerd like i am) of witnessing the sun passing directly overhead. Not to mention its the only time of year (other than the spring or vernal equinox) when the sun rises due east, and sets due west. The other times of year the sun rises/sets north or south of east and west. Yes, we say the sun rises in the east and sets in the west but a more accurate term would be "easterly/western direction"

But you didn't come here for an astronomy lesson. At least i don't think you did. Not that i could give you one anyway.

Of course if you wanted to talk astronomy we could discuss how the star Antares will be in view tomorrow evening, in "close proximity" to the moon-- its about 520 lightyears away from the earth, vs the moon's distance of about 250k miles. It will have an orange glow.

But, I digress.

Its a bittersweet time of year, for me at least. On the plus side: There's the beauty of the changing of seasons, with the flora boasting their array of colors(i plan on putting my rudimentary photography skills to the test this year), football(monday night just regained its luster), and the excitement of cooking (i'm a seasonal chef - warm weather i cook less, but in the cool weather i stay in the kitchen) and the wonder that is a fall wardrobe (because underneath it all i'm still feminine and trenchcoats and boots! and newsboy caps and turtlenecks and wool pencil skirts and scarves are oh so wunderbar). Not to mention the cooler weather provides a plausible excuse for being (selectively) anti-social and holing myself up in the house listening to records with the fireplace blazing and a cup of tea (or three).

But the minuses- and oh what minuses there are! The cool - and not the sexy snuggle up with your boo for heat cool but the cut open a tauntaun and climb inside(i don't care how it smells) - nights. The shorter days, which with the new extended DST system we manage to stave off for a few weeks longer, but are coming nonetheless. And worst of all, that most odious time of year, winter. Naked trees, frozen appendages, snow, ice and HEATING BILLS. Yeah, winter sucks on toes. Its a shame that fall can't segue right into spring, skipping winter completely. Then fall would probably be my favorite time of year. Unfortunately, the fact that winter is on fall's heels takes away some cool points. You hear me fall? You coulda been a contenda! *shakes fist*

But, the intent of the entry was not to air grievances, which, as im sure you can attest, i excel (at).

...I'll save that for another entry ;)


Earth Wind and Fire - Sunshine

TIME OUT.

So over it.

Today I had one of my increasingly regular id vs. "cruel reality" mashups. This time i was musing on the fact that:

My youngest brother is 18, my sister is 23(married with a kid!), my middle brother is 25, and the brother right beneath me (that's right there are five of us) is 29. Yours truly is over 30... BUT not by much. lol. (that not much is soo important to me lol)

We's getting old. And by "we" i mean "me."

A few weeks ago i was talking to my baby brother about Allen Iverson and how nobody in the NBA seems to want him.

"I don't understand, he's still got talent. what's the problem?"

My brother in his 18 yr old wisdom, summed up the situation:

"He has talent but he's old! He wants to be marquee, but he can't. His days, sadly, are over."

"Wait... Allen is what? 34? 35?"

"yeah."

"that's old??

"Yes!" (oh to be 18 again and to be blissfully ignorant that its only a few restless nights, and long work days until you wake up looking 30 square in the face. lol)

He then looked at me and my raised eyebrow and realized his error. Though not the same age as Allen, (i'm a few years younger. just putting it out there) I am in the same age group. According to the laws of proxy - He had just called me old.

"I mean... old for a basketball player, not old in general."

Nice try at saving, but the damage is already done. Bredda.

But its not just about A.I. and his career trajectory.

Its about my newly developed concern about my *ahem* "regularity." Activia anyone? Prunes? Five years ago the state of my dumps was a non issue. But here I am blogging about it. And by blogging about it i am freely admitting i have dumps. The horror! Have I no shame?

It about how i no longer pale at the thought of getting into a line with a male cashier when it came time to buy "feminine products." Then? i'd search till i found a woman. Or not buy it at all. (yes yes i was a wimp.) Now? Please. I get in line with the smallest amount of people. And if a male is at the helm, so be it. Speed > Embarrassment. Now ring up my jumbo pack kotex. (what? it was a sale!)

Its about how nobody asks me if my name was inspired by the vixen-ish character on Dynasty anymore. The show is long over, Alexis Carrington and her conniving ways are a relic of yesteryear. My name, and the image it conjures up, is no longer is au courant. (For the record, my name was NOT inspired by the show - I was born before it came into existence. My momma is original!) But that information doesn't really matter because all of it is old news. I'm old news.

Its about how guys who are my age and who play sports are the veterans on the team. How my aforementioned brother asked me if i remember when Howie Long used to play football, and not just be a commentator. Its about how when i said yes, how it was like i said i remember the first telephone call. Its about how Troy Polomalu is still in his frikkin twenties!

Its about how my (same) brother's 17 yr old friend had a terrible crush on me, and kept asking about me, annoying my brother in the process. My brother finally told him how old i was (without my permission might i add lol), his response? "I didn't know she was that old!" :(

Its about how that hurt my feelings. Not that i was even the least bit interested, but it was like dang. DISSED! But then i remembered what i thought of people who were my age when i was 17. They were old.

Its about how enjoy looking in furniture stores and antiquing more than clothing shopping(though not by much). How home depot and Lowes are like totally fun place for me to be.

Its about how my nephew will only know Michael Jackson the same way i know Nat King Cole - a brilliant artist, but only a memory.

And so this evening i've been feeling a little ancient. The chill in the air has caused a bit of miasma to set in. But i'm not feeling blue i don't think, just contemplative. Earlier this morning i was commenting on how it felt like a school day. You remember. That first week of school where everything was new and exciting, the promise of reconnecting with old friends, and meeting new ones, the thrill of comparing rosters and hoping you got the good lunch period (at my HS it was 5th) the nervousness that comes with a new crush, and the excitement of new school books. (or was that just me?) This morning had that feeling. Of course, me being me - that thought followed its natural path, which led to thinking about getting older. You know how water seeks its own level? Well i'm like that, except everything goes back to age. Sad i know. Anyway i was thinking about how long ago i was in school. HS? Over ten years. Elementary and Jr. High? I'm not gonna even go there.

The years are accruing, and it ain't gonna stop.

Its about how i've seen fads come and go, and through it all i'm still rocking leggings and t-shirts and taking horrible pictures.

The more things change the more they stay the same I suppose.


Teena Marie - Aladdin's Lamp

GIMME!

I desperately need this, with a side of "oh yes."

Modest Mussorgsky - Pictures at an exhibition (promenade)

WHEN DID I BECOME A TYPEFACE JUNKIE?

The older i get, the more my interests delve into new and exciting territories. Perhaps I'm growing comfortable with myself - who i am as a person - and thus have more confidence in exploring things that speak to me, as opposed to sweeping them under the carpet, and adopting whatever aesthetic has captured the imagination of the "collective".

Or perhaps i am giving myself too much credit? Maybe everyone has always been interested in the things i am just now discovering, but, as usual, i'm just late to the party.

The more that i think of that, the more that sounds feasible.

I've recently discovered a love for typeface. Lettering in all its bold, italicized, to-serif-or-not-to-serif glory. It is quite a compelling topic for me - i've spent the last hour on the internet, devouring everything i could find on the subject. And now i am spending additional time blogging about it. Its like architecture - for letters! And who knew so much thought went into their formation and design? My Amazon wishlist just doubled in size.

Oh and if one if you buys me this i will love you forever and ever.

Its the limited edition "Helvetica" Moleskine, It comes in Red and Black - and is a must for any typeface junkies collection. I'm fairly salivating. (love love love helvetica)

Speaking of words and design... Does this name ring a bell? Alex(hey that's my name too! lol) Steinweiss

If not, you may be interested in knowing that he invented the concept of (record) album covers and art. Yep. Before him, records were sold in nondescript bland packaging. Alex Steinweiss saw a blank palette on which he could flex his artistic muscle, and thus - the album cover was born. His designs are still regarded as icons of the genre.

(the first album cover)

Cool huh?

INXS - I need you tonight

NOT AS CAPTIVATING AS A BINARY SUNSET

But beautiful nonetheless.

I'm no Ansel Adams (yet) but the full moon was gorgeous tonight. How can you deny its regal beauty?

230,000 Miles Away. So far, but yet so close.

I'm still very much a newbie photog (so don't judge me!) but i have a photog buddy and we're working on composing shots, lighting...etc. In the coming months I hope to show vast improvement. I suffered many mosquito bites for this picture. lol.

John Williams - Binary Sunset (Star Wars: A New Hope)

THE DATING GAME

I hate dating.

Ok... before i get firmly entrenched in this polemic, may i interrupt myself to say that is is raining CATS and DOGS outside. And not just raining, there is plenty of lightning and thunder to go with it. I love a nice summer thunderstorm (sexy time weather) but its actually getting kind of scary at the moment. I'm counting the seconds between thunderclaps - and if my calculations are correct, the storm is within one mile. Of course i'm breaking all sort of conventions right now, i've got the TV on, i'm on my computer, and I'm looking out the window. Embracing my nihilistic side.

My great great grandmother would have strung me up by my toenails if she was privy to my madness. She was southern and totally old school. Thunderstorms? No lights, no radio, no talking. I kid you not. Oh yeah, close the windows, and pull the curtains. I remember visiting her house as a child, and a thunderstorm crept up out of nowhere. It was pure agony sitting in the tightly closed bungalow - everyone silent and the storm crackled around us. The heat was oppressive and I really thought i might die from asphyxiation. Brutal. And here I am some twenty years later breaking all the rules. I hope i don't regret this.

Oh snap. That lightning was really close just now. Hmm. But i'm on a roll. The blog must continue.

...If something should happen to me dear reader(s) remember this: "I could not love thee so much, had i not loved honor more." © Lovelace

So where was I?

Oh yes.

Dating.

I. Hate. It.

I hate it the same way i hate the job interview process. Job interviewing requires coming up with clever ways to "sell yourself" with the tradeoff being gainful employment. You're subjected to idiotic questioning: "why are you leaving your current job?" And though you really want to say "its because my supervisor sucks/my coworkers suck/the pay sucks" You have to be delicate and refined while feeding the interviewer articulate pablum such as "i wasn't being challenged" or "there wasn't room for growth" or "I need more responsibility" (responsibility?? are you kidding me? I just wanna be paid and go home!) Ok, I might be alone in the responsibility thing, some folks actually enjoy the moving ahead process. More power to them. I can take it or leave it. With accent on the leave. I'll willingly assume lots of responsibility working for myself. But as long as i'm tethered to the corporate machine, i'd prefer being as autonomous as possible. Oh, and still pay me the big bucks please. (I want much in return for very little.) Yes, you/me/we have to go through this, this abasement, sometimes more than once - multiple interviews for the same job - you mean you can decide if you want me in one sitting?, and then suffer the same questions by more smug interviewers(they already have jobs), who know they hold your livelihood in their hands. Just awful.

Its the same with dating. Its not quite as acrimonious in nature as a job interview, but an ordeal nonetheless. Its a more intimate interview process. Can this person get the keys to my heart? There's the whole getting to know you spiel that occurs over an awkward coffee/lunch/dinner with both parties "representatives" working overtime. The true personalities are kept at bay. Not fun. And if there isn't an immediate connection, there is the inner battle: "should i give him/her another shot?" Or "Maybe it was first date jitters that caused him/her to act like that." Will he call? Should i call first? Did he get my jokes? Ugh. I mean really. Are there sickos out there that actually enjoy this?

On top of everything, i'm dreadfully awkward, not particularly good at flirting (my sister swears i'm a flirt - i say i'm FRIENDLY - there is a difference thank you veddy much) i'm shy, bookish, and nerdy, in general - weird eccentric alternative. If you don't know me well, those particular aspects of my personality might be a bit of a turn off.

Its for all these reasons and more that i don't "date". And to clarify, i mean dating as in meeting people and getting to know them in order to pursue some kind of romantic relationship. You know, going to networking events for "urban professionals" (btw urban professionals give me the queasys) with the intent of casting a net upon the fertile waters and dragging something in. That's what i mean by date. I do not mean dating i.e. "yeah we're together." That is fine. I'm all for that kind of dating. Wait...did that make any sense at all? I just read that three times and i got confused.

All of my SOs have started off from the friendship standpoint. Very non-threatening. No ulterior motives, we're just cool. We hang out, we vibe... and before i know it i'm thinking about your stankin behind when i wake up in the morning. And guess what? You're thinking about mine. So simple. Segueing seamlessly from "single-ready-to-mingle" to dynamic duo. I prefer it that way. Let it happen nat-ur-a-lly.

Unfortunately not everyone agrees.

I feel like have become a pet project to some, and that bothers me. I do not do well when i feel like i'm a charity case. =( My age and my marital status has folks on a mission. My grandmother is fixated on this one guy for me - and like a pitbull, will not let go. I have girlfriends wanting to set me up (some who are as single as I am!) because they know someone who would be just perfect for me. "lexy i SWEAR!" They don't get my organic approach to matters of the heart. And the more i'm pushed, the more i dig in my heels. (i can be obstinate that way.)

The other day, a friend of my dad's said to me (he's a repeat offender by the way) - "Wow. I can't believe no one has snatched you up yet." Then it was followed by - "If you want, i know a young man..." Now because he is a family friend, thereby making him old, he was spared my wrath (and fists of fury lol) but still. My mom told me it was a compliment - and to take it in stride, but i can't lie. His comment made me self conscious. Old coot.

Do i have pitiful written in block letters on my forehead? "Can't get a date" written on a piece of paper stuck to my back? Why do they do me this way? © MJ

My homegirl tried to use reverse psychology on me. "If you're cool, then why are you protesting so much?" WTF? I only protest when its brought up! Its not like I sit around groaning about my alleged lack of a romantic lead. This is their broken record, not mine. If it seems as if you have touched a nerve, its because you have - but not for the reasons you think.

Koop - Summer Sun

THE BEAUTIFUL ONES

So, after watching Real Housewives of ATL tonight (Don't ask. All i will say is that that's an hour of my life i can't get back) I decided to stop avoiding the issue and tame this thing on my head in prep for the upcoming weekend. I don't care about workweek fug (i'm lyin), but the weekend i do try to be presentable. lol. I'm bored with my hair, want to do something different (toying with the idea of a drastic cut but so far all my trusted confidantes have vetoed this idea) so i went on the innerwebz for some inspiration. These are just some of the pics i came across while searching for images of women with big/curly kinky hair. Not only am i inspired, but i am humbled. With women as hot (no lesbo) as this walking around with the bomb locks, what hope is there for me?? Beauty and hair?(i don't know these ladies but i'm sure they've got the brains as well) Thats my trifecta! Too much. My self esteem was looking like the Dow Jones Industrials. Ok, not really... but basically.

I totally have to take a photo like this. If its the last thing i do.
(btw she is the inspiration for the Rolling Stones' "brown sugar")

Also, i need to be a photographer. Now.

Switch - There'll Never Be






Switch - I call your name



Another two-fer! I couldn't choose again!