...TILL YA USE ME UP

Ok so i was kvetching to a friend last night about a perceived slight(i know what you're thinking - lex? complain? Never!) and once i finished my relax relate releas(ing), he summed me up in one word:

Nurturer

Actually this is what he said: "You're a nurturer, thats all"

Ignoring the fact that thats all he could respond with after my 5 min harangue - i wanted sympathy, pats on the back and "why yes the world sucks, you're right and everyone else is wrong" but whatever. - i tend to agree with him. I indeed harbor a motherly spirit. Of course when he said that to me, my hackles raised because its all too well known that i'm a hater extraordinaire, from whence could all of this "caring" be coming?

We continued:

"What do you mean 'i'm a nurturer'?"

"Just what i said...you're a nurturer. You like to take care of people, you take interest in their well being, you like pleasing folks."

"You say that like its a bad thing. Is that a bad thing?"

"No. But you have to understand that that's YOUR personality, and not everybody is like you. Most people care to a certain extent, but many are not nurturers."

"Well everybody should be like me."

Him: [sigh]

"I'm joking! gosh."

"I know you're joking...you're always joking."

Me: :[

OK "the everybody should be like me" joke notwithstanding (If everybody was like me then how would i stand out as the spectacular human being that I am?) I guess he had a point. Despite my tough as nails exterior, i'm really a softy and I will go out of my way to make other people comfortable. I'm a sucker for a sob story and those that know me can use this knowledge for evil -sometimes they do. :( If its within my means, i'll put you up, give you money, let you use my car...(well, maybe not the ride) anything to help a down-on-your-luck person out. Of course, I don't wanna be an enabler and if i see that a person is in use mode, then its a wrap. But yeah, given my selfless/nurturing tendencies, i'd like to see a little reciprocity from the folks around me.

[Ok you might want to cue the string section here...and an oboe. A mournful oboe]

Its just... sometimes i feel like im being taken advantage of, and i can't stand it. I feel like folks know that my achilles heel is that behind all the hubris and blustering lies a person with a big heart that can be used and abused(they're wrong, but still.). I go out of my way to make others feel comfortable, should i not expect the same from others?

Anyway, before this entry descends into treacly morass of sentimentality and self pitying i have a question:

Can one be a hater and nurturer at the same time?