MICHAEL JACKSON WAS 25 WHEN THRILLER CAME OUT

What have you been doing??

I've been in an artistic rut lately. Perhaps the fact that i've never been particularly artistic in the first place is the problem.

That begs the question: WHY am i not artistic?

Two of my siblings are superb visual artists. My brother went to HS for Creative and Performing Arts, the philly counterpart of the FAME school.(home to Questlove, Amel Larrieux, Angela Nissel, Bilal and those dudes from Boyz II men) He did very well and went on to the Pennsylvania Academy of fine arts. My sister, the other artiste, went to a college prep school(and my alma mater GHS what!) but busted her butt taking art classes and received a scholarship to Moore College of Art and Design. Huge.

I have another brother(actually two, the other being the one who just graduated from HS),his strength is that he has an ear for music. With this capability he has carved a niche for himself in the glutted field of music production. At first he was just making beats(like everybody does) and then it was like...um dude?...you have real talent. He's been honing his craft ever since, and its starting to pay off. In fact, in some circles he's pretty well known. Okay, maybe not your circle, but we're working on it. I would drop his name, but you know, i'd really like to keep my worlds from colliding.

Then there are my parents. My mom is also skilled with the pen and pencil - she was heavily recruited in my elementary school days for drawing my report covers. We won't even discuss her brilliant mathematical mind, which has gotten me out a jam on many an occasion. I still don't see the point of doing proofs if my answer is correct. My dad is mechanically inclined and can fix anything with moving parts. I remember we had an assignment in fourth grade where we had to build a lever, and everyone bought in these rinky dink sorry excuses for a lever. Well my dad and i stayed up sunday night and built this fantasmagorical machine. Of course the next day I sonned everybody in science class. Yes, i was *that* student. The one you loved to hate. I wasn't a herb though. I never reminded the teacher when she forgot to give us homework. Now that was a student who deserved an atomic wedgie.

Outside of my immediate family, One grandma is nimble with the needle, she quilts and sews, my other grandma sings. Then i have an aunt who fronts a band...yes the list goes on. All this talent, and the fact that this is my pedigree, leaves me feeling dreadfully inadequate.

I'm a total left brain.(if you believe in that sort of thing.) Thinker, analyzer, quiet riot and all that jazz. Observer, obsessor, judger. I feeeeel. I don't create. Up until this point, it never really bothered me. In fact it never occurred to me to care one way or another. Not everyone is a matisse or a bourke-white or a gershwin. And that was ok, because we all have our different strengths. But now? Its kind of getting to me. I want to have a creative outlet. For once i'd like to apply minimal effort and still shine. But, while i appreciate all things right brained, its painfully obvious that my own right brain is nothing but a hollow shell. Sure, i took/play flute, and trumpet. All I have to show for that is unfailing lung capacity(ask anyone who has ever argued with me) and the ability to read sheet music(which is fading...:/) No prodigy here though. No one was ushering me to julliard, or some kind of conservatory in order to nurture my delicate genius. Im just your average "yeah i play an instrument" chick. Kinda like Alicia keys.(oh no she didn't!) Proficient. I'm somewhere in the meaty part of the curve, not falling behind, not showing off. But definitely, nothing to write home about.

I can't draw for nothing either. And please, spare me the "if you practice you will get better" line of thinking. My mother began drilling that into my head @ about the age of six. That's the age when i noticed i sucked and everyone else...didn't. I practiced and practiced, hoping one day i'd wake up with the hands of Norman Rockwell. Finally, at the age of 25, i gave up. What? Don't judge me! I was still drawing my girls the same way: a heart shape for the torso/waist which was connected to a triangle for a skirt. Two spindly vertical lines for legs. If i was feeling fancy, two inclined planes for shoes(high heels). What would you do? Thought so. It was time to let go. My pre-k cave drawings were not doing anything for anybody. I mean, i could market my rough and ready sketches as "folk" and bandy words like "quaint" and "ironic" around, but i don't think that would fly. Besides grandma moses got the primitive art segment on lock.

We won't even get into singing. Well...actually...im a decent singer. I mean i can hold a note, no voice crack-o. I have fairly good range as well, i be hitting some of those high notes that minnie does. la la la la la la lala-lala doowee ooowee oooh... However, i'm not confident enough in my natural ability to sing - for you. Or you. Even you. You know how some folks are just born with a larynx of gold? Yeah well i'm not one of them. And yes, i know artistic ability isn't confined to the realm of singing, writing and painting. These are just the most visible.

I don't know. Am i expecting too much? I think part of the issue is that i'd like for my talent to just jump out at me. Yeah, i'm lazy like that. I want it to go: "HELLO? YOO HOO! Talent over here!" Why should i have to search for it? Thats what makes talent so special, the fact that its readily apparent. Anyone can take a class. Not that i'm against taking classes. In fact i'm all for them. But - and bear with me as i'm having a tough time articulating myself - what about those skills that are innate? Am i completely lacking in them? I look at my family and friends and its like wow...thats dope.

It just feel so...talentless. Utterly lacking in artistic ability. And no, i'm not fishing for compliments so fall back. What is it i'm interested in? I keep asking myself. What do i like? The answer is: everything. I'm a patron of the arts but a master of none. I'm sure there is something in me that could be cultivated, but who knows what that something is? My interests are numerous and varied, but there is nothing that reaches out and grabs me. My right brain hasn't found its soulmate yet. I know its out there though...and that why this smarts so much.

For you talented artistic shmucks out there...how did you discover your niche? Was it serendipity or something else? Years of nurturing or automatic brilliance? Fill me in, i don't want to wait until i'm 90 to discover my calling.

AFTER THE MORNING AFTER

How was everyones 4th of july? I always say those three day weekends are a blessing and - a curse. Its a blessing because a paid holiday is always hittin'. At the same time its a curse because that extra day off just makes it all the more difficult to come in to work. You need a vacay from the vacay. At least i do.

I spent most of my weekend overindulging in things from the meat group, cleaning up my house, hula hooping(i'm baaaack), getting mo' brown, and trying to figure out this santogold thing.

Santogold. I think im supposed to like her. Let me clarify. I want to like her. Or is it a them? At any rate, i want to appreciate the music. She's from philly, and i like to support that which is homegrown. Not to mention the lead singer(Santi White) wrote the majority of Res' eponymous debut, which i LOVED. So it only stands to reason that i should be way into santogold right? After all, the music is issuing from the same mind. Nyet. Its not happening. I dunno if its her voice, or the decidedly electronic beat, but i find it annoys me more than anything else. I guess i'm not becoming a hipster after all.

The thing is, I like j*davey and HEAVy. I'll even roll with M.I.A(not really). The point is all of these "new" artists have a similar bent and that is merging pop, synth, r&b and rock. Wait should i be lumping all of these musicians together? I know artists don't like being labeled and everything. Whatever. I like my boxes and labels. It keeps things neat. Santogold's music is in the same vein as these other artists. There. I said it. I will also say that it sucks. Ok that was way harsh. It doesn't suck. It just leaves me cold. I will keep trying though.

Speaking of new music, i really really like the new Solange. I think she might make it after all. She's in desperate need of a new stylist - thats if she has one at all - but her music is fly.

Solange - I decided

BUST IT BABY ? :'-(

No time to make a long entry(are those sighs of relief i hear? lol), but this was sent to me, and, in a spurt of largesse, i felt i had to share my disgust with yall.

(I know i'm probably mad late but whatevs, whats new?)

I'm relying on you guys to watch this and make sense of it for me.



Where's Ja Rule?

FIRST OF ALL

I'd like to thank Rashad and Chubbs for their zit advice. I did the toothpaste remedy and it worked! I officially dub you guys the 'pimple popping prince and princess'(respectively) in honor of your bump removing wizardry. PPPaP for short. (Remember folks thats just a name, its not good to actually pop your zits, it'll leave scars.) I'm sure you'll wear your new monikers with pride. Thanks to yall, i am spared the humiliation of being labeled "pizza face". Or James Edward Olmos. And chubbs, i will be going to CVS to purchase the Burts Bees Blemish stick. I love product, packaging and especially burts bees. Score!

Don't yall love three day weekends? I know i do. I'm still not sure if i like monday or friday better as the third day though.

So as yall know, the 4th of july is tomorrow. All week long there have been various activities going down, for residents and visitors of the city alike.

Tonight i decided to go downtown © petula clark, and partake in one of these activities. It was a big salsa festival. Have i told yall how much i love to dance? And how much i love salsa? Do yall even care? Well for those that are interested, i love dancing and especially salsa. Mhmm, yup. I likes to shake my groove thing. So we go, and we're there, listening to the music and of course my feet start moving, because how can they not? The music is infectious. My feet are moving and my hips are swaying and before i know it, this short asian dude is asking me to dance. In typical judge-a-book-by-its-cover fashion, i'm all like "what can he do?" to myself. Sad right? I agree to dance though, and WHEW! dude was a beast. Before i know it we're doing the salsa thing hard core, and im fighting just to keep up! It was fun though. And i did look good if i must say so myself. *toot toot*

It also reaffirmed that my future husband is going to have to like to dance. And if he doesn't like it he is going to have to fake it for me. Thats right baby, fake it for me. The sunshine of your formerly dark and gloomy life. Without me you'd have no direction and all of that other sentimental folderol. None of this "i don't like to dance" crap that a lot of men pull, because they're secretly embarrassed, and afraid of making a fool of themselves. My dad is a good example of this. The only dance he'll do is this weird interpretation of james brown.More like james brown on crack. He'll do that to the embarrassment of his loved ones -*flinches at the thought of the great dance off of 94* - But if it actually requires synchronization of movement? He's not down. My mom wanted him to take dance lessons with her back in the day and he was like "nahhh". I'm not having that. Nope. I mean dance dance too. Not just a two step. No, he won't have to be fred astaire, cuz i am certainly no ginger rogers(yet). I'm just saying i don't want to do a "baby please go to salsa class with me?" Cuz i'd rather have my husband as a partner not some sweaty weirdo. Not that i won't go alone, but you know, it won't be pretty when i get back. I kid. I think. I talk so much smack don't I?

Anyway in the audience there were two crackheads in love, dancing completely offbeat and without any semblance of rhythm. I guess that part of their brain went up in smoke. *cymbal crash* They were so amusing that i had to take a picture, i'm debating putting it up though. See? I do have a conscience.

A dude made some sort of remark on my booty, and i had to give him the crook eye. What is up with that anyway? Can't dudes just observe and admire in silence? Ugh. Men are so gross sometimes. THEN I saw another random just brush his hand across some chicks butt too. I mean it was big(ok huge) but really. All that double takin' and neck breakin' and space violatin' was not necessary.

Other than that it was good times all around.

Oh yeah and a PSA for mi hermana latinas; put some clothes on! And if you are wearing clothes? Its ok to have space between your skin and the fabric. I ain't nebber seed so much cleave, junk, and leg in my life. And some stuff that was out really needed to in. And away. Far away.

So that was my evening. And the best thing of all? When i came home tonight, it was still Thursday! Meaning even though it feels like tomorrow should be saturday, its not! We still have the whole weekend in front of us. Have a great one guys.