RYAN LESLIE

I have a thing for herbs and nerds.

Usually the two go hand in hand, though on rare occasions you can find one at the exclusion of the other.

For instance, Stephen hawking is a nerd, but he is not at all a herb. That man sweats sexy. And no, i'm not kidding.

On the other hand, Mr Mariah Carey Nick Cannon is definitely a herb, but the jury is still out on his nerdiness.

You get my picture.

I'm not sure when it started, but if i had to pinpoint it, i'd say i discovered my preference sometime in middle school - when it seemed like i was the only one who could see that David S. was a true hottie behind the glasses and the too tight stonewashed denim. (What happened to dat boy?) He had brains and beauty but he got clowned 'cause he couldn't dress to save his life. But then again this was middle school. Who could?

Wait a minute...Rob H. could. How could i forget him? Somehow he managed to be fly, but word on the streets was that he was a runner for some drug dealer(s) and thats why he had a pager in the 8th grade. Not to mention his collection of starter jackets and a butter leather.

aw shucks...let me get sidetracked for a second and tell yall a funny story about Rob H.

So i had a huge crush on him right? All the girls did really. yeah i was on my thug lovin for a second lol. Anyway he was always pleasant with me but i know i was not his kind of girl. © new edition

I was bookish and flat chested and just like, not hip enough at the time. He was popular and i was soo not. anyway, so we graduate from 8th grade and he writes this really cool message in my yearbook(like felicity and Ben!) and i was so smitten with him cuz he had written something like "i know you're gonna be beautiful and you're so smart" and all the stuff that makes girls date tuff guys despite knowing better.

So fast forward to about abt a year out of high school, im in college, and my style, though still in its infancy stages, is shaping up very nicely. I got a body too. Basically im no longer a 13yr old dork and im looking fly walking down the street. My bus is taking forever so i start making the journey home on foot. I have to walk past a group of dudes(which i hate) so my walkman(aww the walkman! remember them? how quaint!) becomes incredibly fascinating.

Im messing with the fast forward button, trying to avoid meeting any eyes when all of a sudden one of them jogs over to me, and says my name. I look up. Its rob! Heart, be still! But..but..wait...Rob oh dear Rob what has happened to you? One too many spliffs one would gather. Dude looked like he had trees for breakfast lunch and dinner. I mean the cute was still there, but it was buried beneath the soot of hard living. In five seconds whatever remained of my pubescent fascination was officially over.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, he was nothing but complimentary. I mean he was always nice to me, but now he was looking at me with a new light in his eyes. He kept exclaiming over everything from my hair to my gear. We conversed briefly and he applauded my educational pursuits. It was weird, here was this boy i used to crush on so hard that i could feel it in my chest, and now he was checking me out! I wasn't the least bit interested, but it was gratifying. Anyway the convo ended with him forcing two phone numbers AND a pager number on me. "Please call me" he said. And, "if you ever need anything...you can find me here." he pointed to the street that had intersected the block i was walking down. Its name escapes me now. He was a corner boy for sure. 19 years old and already hugging the block. We hugged our goodbyes and I walked away awkwardly, aware that he was staring after me. It was a weird equalizing moment. When i left him, i was but a learner. Now i was the master. (+ 10 if you get the reference)

But back to herbaliciousness that was David S. A subject of many diary entries - that my brother found and STILL clowns me about - he was more my speed, but i didn't capitalize on my feelings because i was a herb too. Besides momma woulda had a fit if i had a boyfriend in middle school! A rare occasion where my inertia proved beneficial for me AND my behind.

Which brings me to Ryan Leslie.

Yall thought it would never come right? I know, i always take the long and winding road to get to my point. If you've stuck with me this far, i thank you.

The man oozes herb and perspires nerd. And oooh child © i am sooo on it. Now he first came to my attention whenever it was that cassie-o first burst on the scene warbling the theme song for strumpets every where. I hated the track, but at the same time something about it was catchy, and i heard it was produced by some new producer named ryan leslie.

What an unassuming name. Strange. No catch phrases or pseudonyms implying strength, virility or unchecked drug use? WHO IS THIS GUY??

Google sez:

Ryan leslie is havahd graduate(at age 19 what!) with a degree in government and economics. He owns a marketing and media company. He's produced space age music for danity kane and katharine mcphee. He has two youtube channels, one for himself and one for his company.

*sniff sniff*

Whats that smell? The boy reeks of eau d'herb! The triangle is a-ringing and my stomach is rumbling for all the nerdy goodness.

Seriously he reminds me of one of those dudes in school who was not part of the cool crowd, but the kids recognized that he had that certain je ne sais quoi and gave him a break. It was obvious the dude was going places, so they'd just leave him alone. Like even in his diamond girl video(which was about me btw), he can't conceal the nerd that lives within. Sure he's doing a modified temptations routine, wearing stunner shades(they still call them that?) and rocking some obnoxious jewelry on his fingaz, but on the inside He's just lil ryan leslie, harvard grad, son of ministers, who happens to play a mean keyboard.

And that endears him to me. Even when he's "being" cool...the nerd just...emanates.

He's kind of like Pharrell in that aspect, although pharrell strikes me as more nerd than herb. Actually, i'd venture to say he's not a herb at all. He's just weird. So where Pharrell's nerd leans more toward the strange, Ryan still seems to be firmly settled on terra firma.

Anyway my brother just put me on to this track of his and i'm IN LOVE with it. Its called valentine, and apparently it first made its rounds on the net this past valentine's day. Of course im late, but thats my M.O. Doesn't make this song any less enjoyable. RL has stolen my heart.

By the way, i think i need a keytar in my life.



Ryan Leslie - Valentine

I SWEAR MY LIFE IS ONE LONG OUTTAKE FROM THE METH AND RED SHOW

And considering how awful the meth and red show was, that's a pretty bad outtake.

So today i had my bra in my pocketbook(i'll spare yall the reason why)and as i reached in my bag for my cell, it fell out, much to my chagrin.

Oh...you *want* to know why i had a bra in my bag? Well its basically for this reason: The top i was wearing had a shelf bra, but i really wasn't sure if it was going to provide enough support. So like the worrywart i am, I brought along a bra to wear underneath the top. Just in case. I mean im not HUGE up top but i do have something, and though i had on a cardigan for modesty's sake i couldn't help but feel like that wasn't enough. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it) i didn't need it, and that leads into the ensuing debacle.

So I'm talking to some colleagues. I reach into my purse for my cell and *bloop* hellooo black bra with hot pink piping! I really thought i could will myself to disappear then and there but no go. Fortunately i have lightning quick reflexes, and almost as soon as the offending garment hit the floor it was in back in my bag. I don't think anyone noticed because no one reacted, but then again most folks are great actors.

STRIPTEASE

So basically, i think i flashed my next door neighbors.

Get your minds out of the gutter. The flashing ™, if it indeed happened, was totally inadvertent. It wasn't like i wanted my neighbors to have a birds eye view of my glistening naked body as i walked about the house.

...Or did i?

I'll wrestle with my subconscious later.

So my neighbors technically don't *live* next door right? They moved about six months ago, but their house is still on the market due to the sluggish economy. They come and check on it from time to time, but for all intensive purposes(lol) their home is empty.

Now when they moved out, i'll admit i was a bit apprehensive, thinking an empty home might beckon criminal activity and other unsavory nonsense.

Nothing of the sort has happened. And lately? i've been enjoying it. A little too much i would hazard.

No neighbors has been a boon. I don't have to hear their voices at 3:00am (she had teenage sons who apparently had no curfew) the sounds of cars entering and exiting their driveway. It also means a lot more freedom for me, and that freedom has extended to me walking around my house, blinds up, in various states of undress. Never nekkid though. Yall know how i feel about nudity without a purpose.

So anyway.

Today, i'm in my room, cleaning -its amazing the amount of clothes that accumulate during the week - and i'm rocking bra and pannies look. Its all good, curtains pulled back beautiful daylight streaming through my windows. The calm after the storm you know? The dulcet sounds of N.E.R.D's fly or die reverberating off my walls.

"Cuz you're gon' dance in your undies all over your house..."

How apropos. I just happen to be dancing and singing in my skivvies. Pharrell's singing to me ladies. *swoon* I take a minute to grab a hairbrush and sing to my reflection in the mirror.

"slow motion like a dream / but real time is what it seems"

What? Don't act like yall don't sing into hairbrushes too.

*hair flip*
*booty shake*
*wop*
*kick, ball, change*
*jazz hands*

So i'm dancing and singing and folding and hanging and sweeping and dusting...you know regular sunday afternoon stuff.

When all of a sudden i hear voices. Loud.

Brutally jerked out of my cleaning reverie, i look out my window, panicked. Who do i see but a gaggle of people. I recognize some of them as my former neighbors. The others don't look familiar, but then i see the realtor (i've talked to him before) and realize the rest of the folks must be prospective buyers.

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME HE'S SHOWING THE HOUSE TODAY?

I back away from the window with the quickness, mortified. Had they seen me? Crap i had my light on too. Ugh.

How could i have been so careless? Normally i'm very attuned to the sounds coming from next door for this very reason. Somehow, i allowed myself to get all comfortable and the sounds of - count em - three cars pulling up in the driveway went unnoticed by yours truly. Oh i am truly lord of the idiots. So now whats my plan of attack? Put some clothes on obviously. And turn off the light. But then what? I don't know if they saw anything, so there's no point in going outside to do damage control. Besides, what would i do? Ask them if they saw my cottage cheese thighs(i'm working on it) and then apologize for walking around in my house undressed?

Its really one of those situations where its best to do nothing. If you could see my house you'd understand my concern. I have these huge windows that are a peeping tom's dream. Not to mention the fact that the curtains were pulled back, blinds pulled up to let maximum light flood the room.( i have a thing for natural light).

When they lived next door, i wouldn't have dreamed of walking past an opened window any way other than fully dressed. But i just had to get my icarus on and now my neighbors and possible neighbors-to-be must think i'm a real strumpet. :/

I wish there was a way to know for sure if they saw me or not. I refuse to ask. I guess i'll wait until i run into them and observe their body language. If they look embarrassed and refuse to meet my eyes i'll know. Or if they stare too hard. Ugh.

N.E.R.D - the way she dances

LAZY SUNDAY, SLUGGISH MONDAY

It wasn't until after four on Sunday that i got dressed. It was too hot for anything else. So trife.

I'll admit i was walking around looking jacked for the majority of the day. Hair still scarved up aunt jemima(on the pancake box?) style. Don't laugh. How else im supposed to keep my doobie tight? Rocking shorts that would be considered underwear in some circles, and jcrew tissue t-shirt. Tacky? Yes. Keeping cool? Kind of. Yall already know about my air condition situation. Even with window units, there are still hot spots throughout the house.

Anyway, around 3:30 i realized i couldn't let all that sexy go to waste, and decided to spruce up. (i do it for the people) Not to mention, i'd hate to go to bed and realize that i went the entire day marinating in the fug.

Today was a litte better but not much. I had to get up (mondays suck) so i couldn't just rest on my laurels all day. I wanted to though. Its the heat man. While i love the summer warmth, it makes me listless and i'm loathe to do anything that requires movement. Even eating is a trial. Though looking at me you wouldn't think it. :/

But at least i didn't spend half the day today looking like trash.

So here i am all washed and shiny, blogging. What to write about?

My blogging habit has suffered greatly, and while i do feel bad that i haven't been more diligent, i'm pleased to say the reason is because somehow, along the way, i've acquired a life. Mhmm. More blogs = less life : Less life = more blogs. Yall blog because you have lives, i blog because i don't. lol

Baby brother had his graduation party this weekend and everything went well. I was more than a little bit nervous, because he asked me and my brother to dj. It was nerve wracking, but went off without a hitch. Apparently we have dj skillz. Who knew? King £ex the Petite Dynamo rocking ur zer0s and 1s. Ask about meh!

What else?

Remember those 5 lbs i gained? Well they're gone now. It was hard work but i was like funk that. I'm going to the beach in a few weeks i refuse to look like a trussed up ham on the boardwalk. Now if i can only prevent myself from gaining them again...