A song i first heard last week, and has since been in constant rotation. The lyrics are simple, but for some reason... its touching me right _there_.
Georgia Anne Muldrow - Roses When i'm down, i just draw some roses On a pretty piece of paper With my recipe - pen So halfway through, I feel so much better I imagine happiness, and it runs right to me, such amazing beauty You don't have to, cut up no roses Please just leave them living Got my pencil, got pretty paper Please don't worry we're forgiven
I have found, just the perfect feeling Finally cause im grateful I can feel your spirit coming closer on me Ain't it grand, just to be reminded Reminded of the good things Living in a new day, that no one can tear down You don't have to, cut up no roses Please just leave them living Got my pencil, got pretty paper Please don't worry we're forgiven
Got my pencil, got pretty paper Please don't worry we're forgiven You don't have to, cut up no roses Please just leave them living When i'm down, i just draw some roses On a pretty piece of paper With my recipe - pen, pencil Almost finished, i feel so much better I imagine happiness and it ran right to me, such amazing beauty...
Or in English: (s)he who conquers, conquers him(her)self.
I'm coming off of an amazing inspiring weekend which means i'll probably be a bit rambly. A thousand pardons in advance of my longwindedness.
So, vincit qui se vincit was my HS motto. It served as sort of motivational tautology - a reminder to us young ladies (i went to an "elite" all girls HS - and to anyone thinking, "oh, that explains everything." shut it.) that often time the biggest obstacle in our lives is ourselves. Of course as a teenager, that really meant nothing to me beyond the occasional arguments of how to pronounce it. (in latin the V is pronounced like a W)
Now that i'm older, the old phrase has taken on a new meaning. "Conquering" myself is one of the hardest battles i've ever waged... and will continue to be. I am only making the attempt because i felt stagnant. As a rule i am way easy on myself. The path of least resistance is full of my treadmarks. But lately i've making the valiant effort to not retreat back into my comfort zone when a situation arises that makes me uncomfortable. Not that my comfort zone was a bad thing, but i've come to realize that i've missed out on a lot by just _staying_ there. Its definitely an effort, but when i do push past my natural inclinations? Pride. Accomplishment. Abject terror. Those two things make the feeling of being battle worn and weary bearable. (i'm a formidable opponent.)
I had the opportunity this past weekend to feel that sense of accomplishment that comes from doing what you thought you couldn't do, when i taught a salsa class.
(ok that sentence was awkwardly worded. any suggestions for more facile phrasing?)
Anyway, veni, vidi, vici. (keeping with the latin theme.) Not only that, I discovered a few things about myself: (well some things i knew already, but yall know what i mean)
1. despite my shyness - im good at handling a crowd. And, a decent teacher. Its almost an out of body experience - my inner sasha fierce (sorry for the beyonce reference lol) comes out and i'm watching myself be engaging, instructive, witty, and, dare i say, charming? :)
2. I can dance. - I've always poo pooed my skills, because there are so many GREAT salseros, but there were some seasoned men (of the latino persuasion) who were raised on salsa, bachata, merengue - and i kept up with every single one of them. Their compliments meant the most, because i know im not looking like im counting my steps, but rather im just flowing effortlessly with the music. I know. I too am wondering when that happened.
3. Something about salsa makes men take liberties (not all of course but A LOT. lol) and i've grown adept at vetoing those liberties in the least embarrassing way possible. lol
I must say that i am proud of myself. :)
Another way of exiting my comfort zone? I met up with the Ex over the weekend. Yes. This was leaving the warm womblike atmosphere i usually dwell in in a big way. Talk about being vulnerable. We have been corresponding regularly since my face "providentially" came across his facebook page (i feel a list coming on about that den of iniquity website) was quite apprehensive about seeing him again. Maybe i was brimming with confidence from my successful run as a dance "instructor", but the insecurities i had leading up to the moment of our reckoning (which i spared you all from by not blogging about) dissipated. But yall don't want to read about my love life (or lack thereof) right?
*ahem*
This weekend i also had the pleasure of seeing Esperanza Spalding in concert. Let me say... she is amazing. My girl crush on her is even more crushier. The woman is just insanely talented. Like it oozes through her pores. She blends her influences together so fluidly... but yet it never manages to sound pretentious or self-aware. Its just good music. She made me want to be a better musician - or should i say, a musician period? lol (im a half a$$ed musican.)If you've never seen her in concert, please make sure you do. Its definitely worth it.
And finally...
Friday was a wolf-moon. You guys know i fancy myself a kind of half-a$$ed astronomer, so i was excited to see it. (shout out to jazzbrew who also was amped.) What's the wolf moon? Well its the brightest full moon of the year, so name by the Natives, because the wolves would howl at it. In a cloudless sky, the characteristic features of the moon are quite prominent to the naked eye. Unfortunately, we were beset with haze which blurred out those features. The sky was crazy bright though, and i imagine that without light pollution it would be even more majestic in appearance. My plan was to get a clear photograph the moon, but the clouds ruined my plans. But, never one to be daunted (much) i braved the teen temps - 1 AM 18 degrees and i was shivering, looking completely insane wtf was i thinking- and this is what i got:
The moon was behind a translucent layer of cloud that blurred its features, but you still get the effect. Its really was a remarkably bright moon. You could definitely see why wolves howl. Shoot, if i had lycanthrope ancestry i might have howled too. It was so crazy bright outside, this picture was not altered at all. This is how it looked at that moment. Beautiful eerie-ness. I thought the naked tree added a layer of visual interest as well. (YES im still dabbling in photography. And im half a$$ed. lol)
Finally my chickadees - Happy february! The month of love (if you get down with V-day) and more importantly, the month before the month of march which is the month in which spring officially begins! (i've never typed month so much in my life) Are you excited? I definitely am. :)
Happy new year everyone! Ok, i know im uh... 20 days late, but belated is better than never right? Besides, its still January, which means the year is still new. So, like i said, Happy new year! :-)
I brought in the new year with a detox. My second in sixth months. Around oct of 2009 i did a detox with my homie Mr Synchronicity. That was tough, but at least with that detox, we could eat food (though just fish). This time around i detoxed with my mother and we went the juice only route.I really have no idea why i agreed to that. I totally love juice, and it doesnt get better than freshly made juice, but juice for breakfast lunch AND dinner? No bueno. There's an ecstasy that comes with chewing your food that sipping just can't replace. Still, I was good. No cheating, though i almost had a breakdown passing a McDonalds. Ever pass Mickey D's on an empty stomach?? IT SMELLS LIKE HEAVEN! Forreal. It smells better than grandma's sunday dinner even! On the strenf!
Fortunately I came to my senses. If i was going to cheat, i wasn't going to do it with McDonalds! I'm would go to go to Ruth's Chris at least! ...Okay Okay, chipotle.
Anyway.
We began our journey by drinking some bentonite clay (yum!) which acts as a sponge and attracts toxins out of the intestinal tract. That disgusting part was on Sunday before last. On Monday we started drinking freshly made fruit/veggie juice concoctions. Accompanied by lots of water.
This detox is allegedly kicked off the new year by "purifying." I don't know how pure i feel now that its all over, but i definitely do feel "interesting". I feel lighter in spirit and in body but that could be due to electrolyte loss. lol. Is this what nirvana feels like??? Somebody pass the gatorade please.
Speaking of the New Year, how is everybody on resolutions? If you follow this blog (and its mobius strip style content) you know i don't do resolutions per se. Still, its always good to bring in the new year with renewed focus and intent.(nevermind that you're gonna lose it by the time february comes around. lol)
here are a few things i will continue to focus on this year (and the rest of my life):
1. stop expecting people to read my mind. 2. stop avoidance and procrastination 3. learn to ask for help. 4. Curtail my negative thoughts. 5. stop freaking out about getting older! (this is a hard one. lol) 6. stop being (inwardly) petulant 7. stop making it about me.
See there? I've just listed all my biggest flaws to yall. Don't judge me! I'm naked and i'm ashamed! (pretend you don't see the cellulite mmkay?) I have my mother partially to thank for this list. She is not only my biggest cheerleader, but she also gives it to me raw. (albeit in the most wonderful way possible) we have been hanging out a lot more recently, not only do to our detoxing, but because she took on the role of my chauffeur. (i had a "vehicular incident.") During one of our heart to hearts (remember that TV show?that was hart to hart though...) i was going on and on and being really sorry for myself (bring out the violins), And while she got at me for being so down on myself "Nobody talks about my daughter... not even you!" She also was inspiring. As usual. The dual role of comforter/motivator. Do they hand out tips in the mom handbook?
So what else?
My Ex™ contacted me. Yes, that Ex.™ Thanks to the "miracle" of facebook, he saw that i was a fan of the same person he was. He didn't request me as a friend, but instead sent me a message. After getting over the initial shock of seeing his name in my inbox, im not going to lie, my first inclination was to be cold and calculating to him. I mean, im still smarting over the offhand manner he treated me the last time we talked. I didn't deserve that. But, i'm a lover not a fighter, and i'm no good with grudges. I don't relish being on the outs with anybody. I get mad, but i don't stay mad. A strength and a weakness. I won't fake though, I still cringe at that last phone call before this recent correspondence. Anyway, to make a long story short, he's going to be in town for business at the end of the month. He said he thought about me (duh. of course you thought about me. im the ish!), but since he didn't have my contact info, he put it out of his mind. But seeing my name pop up randomly on a facebook fanpage convinced him it was providence (is that so? lol). A thousand thoughts are running through my head (and i'll spare you them all) but needless to say... this is quite an unexpected development. I have no expectations though. At least that's what im convincing myself. lol. Next weekend should be interesting. I would say I dreamed him in existence, but that dream was over a year ago. Then again, if my dreams have a year turn around time... i should be becoming a billionaire very shortly...
Speaking of next weekend, Next Friday i will be teaching salsa. Yes, you read right. I'm no salsa teacher in the strictest sense of the word, but i've been at it long enough to show amateurs a thing or two. What started out small has turned out pretty big and i will admit to being QUITE nervous. Its a volunteer effort, which takes some of the pressure off (i'd be terrified if people were actually paying for it) but still, im quite anxious. As you can see, next weekend will be a doozy.
While we are on the topic of my "action" packed next weekend... Sunday the 31st is Esperanza Spalding day! As you may or may not know, i am an Esperanza Spalding groupie. Oh yes. Even more so since i've started my Bass lessons. She is one of my muses (yes i have more than one). One of my new bass playing friends and I are going to see her in DE. I've never seen her perform before (in the flesh anyway - i've devoured everything on youtube) so i am major amped. Not to mention she's also going to be performing with Cassandra Wilson in March. This time it will be in Newark NJ, but i am seriously considering going to that too. hat's what groupies do right? lol. (Shout out to the homie Rashad for sharing this info which would have escaped my notice otherwise!)
And finally... i am going to Brazil! for a person that doesn't make vacation plans until last minute (if that) this is huge. Now i have a reason to learn portuguese...and the samba :-)
Esperanza Spalding - She got to you (Where was this song when i needed it?? lol :-/)
I swear i've written this lyric, if not in pen, in heart... Now, I'm a bit confused Cos what I felt I thought was true Did she barge in And steal your heart away? Or did you know From the first day I was just someone to play? If so, damn that's cold
In addition my renewed dedication to the trivium, (the latin term that references the three paths of learning in "classical" education: grammar, logic and rhetoric - and also serves as a foundation for the quadrivium: astronomy, music, geometry and arithmetic) as a way of mental exercise for the new year, (my mantra is "Don't be dim in 2010!") I have also decided to counterbalance my inner-ascetic, and do something purely for the mindless joy it brings: movie watching. I honestly haven't seen that many new films. Even blockbusters. I go to the movies on average perhaps twice a year. I know some folks who are in the theater every weekend. I have fairly large personal movie library, but i still watch the same movies over and over. (and if you know me you can probably guess what they are.) I'm trying to change that. Its no fun when you're around people who have seen the latest flick and you can only smile and pretend that you know what the heck they're talking about.
Which brings me to the point of this entry. As I check off movies that i hadn't seen but are finally watching, I've realized i haven't missed much! Some are worth the accolades, but a LOT are not. Its making me glad i haven't wasted ducats seeing them in the theater. In honor of these duds, here is a list of movies that have received way more kudos than was necessary. In fact, if they weren't so hyped, i may have enjoyed them more! Anyway, here is the list 10-1. (one being the MOST overrated)
10. Pretty Woman - I have no idea why this movie gets so much love. I'm going to go with the idea that its was on the strength of the looks of the main characters, because the story was just ok.
9. Psycho - I am a Hitchcock junkie. Yet it pains me that this is the most talked about film in his catalog. Its definitely a good movie, and nail biting at times, but its NOT all that.
8. Schindler's List - Ok. Sacred Cow time. I enjoyed this movie. I love period pieces, and i'm a sucker for WWII history. HOWEVER. This movie was NOT the be all end all that it was toted as. I was in HS when it came out, and it was required watching for my AP history class. I saw it (i wanted my A) but it just didn't move me like it seemed to move other people. Perhaps I need to watch it again.
7. 2001 A Space Odyssey - You're supposed to LOVE this movie. Its Kubrick! Its artsy. Its weird. I'm artsy and weird so this should be a match in filmakers heaven. NOT. This is one of those films that i wanted to like because it seems like everyone else does. But when i finally sat down and watched it, i was left confused. Just why is this movie so lauded? Its boring. Maybe im just not intellectual enough. The first half hour is better than any sedative.
6. The Lion King - Yep, i said it. No i'm not heartless. I know a lot of folks love this one and might take this personally. lol. Remember this list is about OVERrated movies. So yes, the lion king was good. The Lion King was NOT great. In my opinion Aladdin is the superior film.
5. Close Encounters of the third Kind - Maybe it would have been better without Richard Dreyfus, but fresh off the success of Jaws, he was box office gold. I want to like this movie because i'm a fan of spielberg (see: my star wars and indiana jones obsession) but it just doesn't work for me. The first 3/4 of the film is taut with suspense. But the final act just falls flat. After all that drama all we learn is that aliens dig synthesizers???
4. The English Patient - Japanese water torture on celluloid. YAWN
3. Monster's Ball - I guess there was a story here, but i couldn't find it. Halle is a beautiful woman, but only a so-so actress. Billy bob was effective, though not showstopping. The film's conceit - that two people who would otherwise never cross paths, develop a mutual need for each other through tragedy, is under served. There's a story to be told, but the story tellers just aren't doing it. And then there's that sex scene...
2. Forrest Gump - This movie is essentially "the wonder years" on steroids... only a lot less interesting. Lots of cool special effects, but special effects does not a GREAT movie make. Was Forrest a man or a superhero? And the life is like a box of chocolates was one of the worst metaphors of all time (of all time! *insert Kanye here*)
1. Titanic - Titanic is the correct word here, as the movie collapsed under the weight of its own "importance." In the case of the Titanic(the ship), we knew how the story ended. It was the director's job to tell it to us in another way, make it fresh and new. We are eternally fascinated with the titanic because of its incomprehensible, almost eerie demise. However, in the film, the actual sinking of the ship was kind of an afterthought. Instead, the focus was a stale romance boasting the familiar archetypes: the rich girl who falls in love with the artsy, free spirited boy. Throw in some mediocre dialogue, capable special effects(which look a bit dated now) and a power ballad, (Heart will go on is easily one of the most annoying songs EVER) and you have this Oscar winning, waterlogged mess. The actual ship sinking was more of a backdrop for what amounted to a feature length version of your favorite soap opera.
So what say you? Agree? Disagree? Any you might take away? Any you might add? (oh and if anyone mentions Gone With The Wind Or Star Wars i will personally hunt you down and do very very bad things.)
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