I'VE NEVER READ ANY KEROUAC

A dirty secret that i've kept to myself, and have decided to reveal now, in blog land.

To be honest, i'm not a fan of much of the works the fall under the heading "Beat Generation."

Another dirty little secret.

Burroughs depressed me, Ginsberg was lofty, and reading them was more tedium than pleasure.

I never made it to Kerouac -- the other authors of this trifecta leaving me with a sour taste in my mouth.

Despite my pragmatic and sarcastic tendencies, i find it difficult to really absorb the nuances of the austere unfiltered prose that typifies "beat" authors. I prefer my fiction to rest securely in a comfort zone of known emotions and experiences, where even grim realities have an umbra of enchantment around them.

"Beat" novels have a rawness that admittedly make me uneasy.

I'm an idealist i suppose. If i was a painter i'd probably be a part of the impressionist movement. Details are fine, if they're left a little hazy.

Tonight i was challenged to give Kerouac a chance -- "you listen to jazz - how can you not read kerouac?" -- And i'm going to pick up the gauntlet. I've ordered On the Road, Kerouac's magnum opus and a beat generation essential. Once it arrives, i shall endeavor to read it with an open mind. Even if i hate it, it will look nice on my bookshelf. It screams depth, a trait that could be disputed given my penchant for the odd harlequin romance.

...

So the past four days have been beautiful, and have really got me amped for summer. Forgive the predictable metaphor - but spring/summer is the season where i bloom. Only thing is the bugs. I believe i've blogged about my bug intolerance before, and, well, in case you were wondering, that hasn't changed. I grilled yesterday and totally spazzed out when something flew past me. I'm not even sure what it was, but it had wings and it made a buzzing noise, and really that's all needed for a certified freak out(le freak c'est chic!) moment.

Bugs are the worst things about outdoors. If it weren't for them i'd be outside every waking moment this time of year. Instead when i go out i'm dodging everything from the insect family. The worst is when the flying ones go past my ears. I can't stand when they go past my ears.

As i'm writing this there is a bee in my bedroom that has been here since Saturday afternoon. Yes, Saturday. The moment i noticed that i had an uninvited guest was captured on film -

See that wide eyed look of terror? There's a killer bee on the loose!

- Moments after this shot was taken i jumped up squealing and scared that i might get stung. As of this print i have not been stung by a bee since 1984 in what i've dubbed the "big wheel incident". I'd like to keep it that way.

He appears at random times to incite fear and terror, only to disappear again once i finally get up the nerve to get a shoe and kill him. I wish he would fly to another part of my house, but he seems to like it here. I leave my bedroom door open, kind of like a broad hint, but everytime i think he's gone --

"bzzzzzzzzz"

Its been a long three days.

Robbie Nevil - C'est La Vie

THROWBACK THURSDAY

Can it be that it was all so simple then?

Me and my dad circa 19xx (cuz yall don't need to know alladat)

I was killin' em in that green sweatsuit... and look at those jowls cheeks! Because of those things my nickname as a baby was juicy. I still have them :-(

...but nobody calls me juicy anymore. At least, not to my face.

Oh and see that bracelet on my dad's right hand? Well he can no longer fit it because he's not nearly as skinny svelte as he used to be - and so i rock it now. Well actually my sister and I fight over it. lol. At this moment its in my custody and i plan to keep it that way so shhhhh. lol. Stainless steel and copper. Dad was pretty cool huh? I asked if he still had that shirt cuz i would rock it now, but unfortunately the answer was no.

Is it just me or were people just effortlessly dope in the 70s/early 80s? Around 85 the coolness petered off and all we are left with are the dregs of style. Perhaps i'm romanticizing the period, but all i know is that my pictures from my youth aren't nearly as cool as my parents. Like my kids will not be posting my pictures on their blogs...or whatever it is they'll have by the time i have some. I was a mess. Stay tuned for another throwback thursday... i'll embarrass myself by posting my sartorial missteps. :-)

William Devaughn - Be thankful for what you got

I'M NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT LOVE

Or any matters of the heart, no matter how appropriate. Yes its on my mind, but its a subject which i am not qualified to expand upon -- no matter how topical it may be -- given my track record in that area. Can you say disasterpiece? I could fill a book right now but the words would probably only make sense to me. Suffice it to say, i still suck at it.

I'm not going to talk about turning another year older, and being brutally reminded of fading youth by getting sick. I NEVER used to get sick. I had to feign illness, or at least exaggerate it, in order to stay home from school or work. And now? Every few months i'm down with another ailment. WTF? And then to only have as company my bed and raggedy daytime television. Seriously, did Jerry Springer and Maury always suck like this? I mean it was always trash, but it had an appeal. Now its just repugnant in every single way.

I'm not going to talk about how its been a year that my best friend has been gone, and i woke up this morning struck anew at how he is not here and how i let pride get in the way of our relationship and i will forever regret that i didn't tell him how much he meant to me. I won't talk about how due to the fact of my already emo disposition i almost gave in to great gulping sobs until i finally pulled myself together. I won't talk about how i then felt guilty about not wanting to cry over him anymore.

I'm not going to talk about how my favorite bra gave up the ghost with this final wash. Yes i know that your unmentionables should be hand washed, so keep your comments to yourself. Call me Deana James because i'm a rebel baby. A stupid stupid rebel. Next time i'll follow instructions. :-/

Nope. I'm not going to talk about any of those things. That would be a maudlin and lachyrmose way to begin a blog entry.

Instead...

I'll talk about how about out of the blue my photographer friend wants to take me out photography-ing. Both of our schedules are pretty cluttered right now, but i'm excited to pursue this interest of mine. Perhaps one day i can finally quit corporate america, only to join the ranks of the avante-garde, catapulted into history among such giants as Herb Ritts, Margaret Bourke-White, Ansel Adams.

...Or be content to snap a few photos at the next family reunion. < /reality >

I'll talk about the Sixers using some of Orlando's Magic for themselves, and winning the first playoff game of the series. The second is tonight, can they do it again? I'm not dreaming that we could go to the finals, but the second round would be nice.

Or I could talk about how this weekend is supposed to be uber wonderful. 85! on Saturday. The Penn Relays are this weekend and this may be the first weekend in recent memory where the forecast didn't include rain. Now whether or not the weather lives up to the hype remains to be seen...

And then there is always my favorite topic, and one which i am fully conversant - food. My loves, Popeyes is doing the 8 piece for 4.99 for one day only (today) and you can best believe that for my meal for this evening will i be engaging in some fine recession dining.

Stevie Wonder - Girl Blue

A KIND WORD

Can work wonders for the spirit.

A friend called me beautiful today (SHUTTY) and though the veracity(truthiness?) of said statement is infinitely debatable (I SAID SHUTTY. I know yall are chomping at the bit) the fact of the matter is, it has worked wonders for my mood, which was in a deplorable state, given the weather. (And the fact that i woke up feeling exceptionally zaftig on top of having hair that wanted to exercise its right to free speech)

Anyway whats my point? Well it wasn't to brag that someone about the fact that someone was able to see past my wretched visage, but rather to encourage everybody to take a few minutes to big up someone. Don't lie (well you can lie to *me*. Tell me sweet little lies) but give sincere props to a friend, a lover, a family member. Make somebody's day with a well timed compliment.

...Well what are you standing there staring for? Do it! :-)

Erykah Badu - Today (Earth Song)