GLASNOST
Yes, i've talked about it before. Namely, here. However, despite my assertions of candid revelations and anecdotal intimacies - my intention to be this open honest no-holds-barred blogger came to naught because... well... simply because I didn't make an effort.
Why didn't i make an effort?
Well, not long after my endeavor commenced, i was attacked. By whom or what, you ask? I hesitate to state for fear of judgment and redress, but I will anyway. I was attacked by one of the strongest forces known to man: laziness. The ultimate demotivator. The warning signs were there, but i was as ineffectual against it as Neville Chamberlain was in preventing World War II (munich agreement fail.). The attack resulted in an all out war, with me losing battle after battle. Yes, i'd submit laziness as the fifth fundamental force (along w/strong nuclear, weak nuclear, gravity and electromagnetism) due to it's ability to neutralize the powers of the most strongwilled (wo)men and make a mockery of even the most noble motivations.
Being that i'm the antithesis of anything related to strength, coupled with the fact that my motivations are not exceptionally noble, you can imagine what it did to me. My effort was stifled by my own lassitude. It's a mental torpor just as much as it is a physical one. Not only have i NOT felt like typing out my thoughts, I haven't even felt like thinking the thoughts that would precede typing. It's pathetic really. Yes, laziness has been quite a formidable foe.
The desire is there, but the flesh is weak.
Inertia notwithstanding, this blog was started as a way to document my general confusion, naivete, fears, insecurity and latent psychoses in a blithe and humorous way - with hopes of experiencing catharsis a side effect. Of course i'd like to document my moments of sanguine intrepidation™ as well, but that's not much of a hurdle. It's easy to appear confident and courageous to the general public. Revealing weakness(es) is the tough part. But chronicling it all -good days, bad days, halfway days - is beneficial.The therapy of prose. I'd like to get back to that.
But here's the catch, to experience catharsis, you have to actually, um, blog.
So with that fact in mind, i am now declaring a renewed dedication to be - if not a prodigious blogger - at the very least, a consistent one. It will be a challenge, for even as i battle torpor, i am searching for my literary voice. In that aspect im a bit schizophrenic. My writing mood/voice/style changes with the weather. One minute i'm sardonic and wry, the next im emo and vulnerable, in other situations im contemplative and detached. Sometimes im a mishmash of all of these, with no particular quality exacting hegemony. I suppose that speaks to my eccentricities as a person, or my normality as human. Whatever the case, it takes much effort to corral these varying tones so that my writing doesnt become a syntactical nightmare. While i don't mind my writing giving the impression that im a... whimsical person, i don't want it to convey "crazy." Ok... maybe a little crazy. ;-)
So here's to being, open, vulnerable, over-analytical, cheeky, shy, gregarious, silly, and, on occasion, profound. :-P Most of all, here's to the resurrection* of this blog. :-)
*alleged
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