QUICK! SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO DRY UP A ZIT

(and other random thoughts)

I got a pimple forming on my face and its freaking me out. I need a resolution © aaliyah

An overnight one preferably. If your suggestion works, then you get a prize. My respect. :)

-Gas is 4.20 a gallon for regular :(. My dreams of owning a Range Rover are all but dead. With gas prices being what they are, it seems silly to buy something so fuel inefficient. I mean if i already owned one that'd be one thing. But i don't. So yeah. Ugh. I'm actually looking into purchasing a prius. The car for douches. Nothing against prius owners, but yeah, most of them are self satisfied smug liberal trash hipsters who shop at whole foods and trader joes, while wearing birkenstocks and certified organic clothing. Gross.

-Looks like Kim K's butt might be real, because her sister's is just as huge:


In fact, all of them have junk. So unless they all decided to get booty implants(and it is L.A so its no too far fetched) they inherited their hind parts fair and square. Who else watches their show? Isn't it great? It's one of my guilty pleasures.

-The smell of the polyurethane coat on the floors is making me nauseous. But the floor looks beautiful! If you're good i'll post pics. :)

-Noel Gallagher is truly the jerk i pegged him for way back when. Im sure you have all heard his comments about Jay-Z appearing at glastonbury. If not here's the quote:

"If it ain't broke don't fix it. If you start to break it then people aren't going to go. I'm sorry, but Jay-Z? No chance. Glastonbury has a tradition of guitar music and even when they throw the odd curve ball in on a Sunday night you go 'Kylie Minogue?' I don't know about it. But I'm not having hip-hop at Glastonbury. It's wrong."

I mean i'm no jay-z stan but a curmudgeon such as Noel needs to be taken down a few pegs. I was glad that Jigga, came out strumming this:


Also, might i add, jay-z actually has stage presence. I've never been to a concert of his, so i had no idea. Its refreshing especially considering so many other rappers insist on crowding the stage with their entire entourage in addition to like fiddylemn other hypemen.

-Speaking of Rappers, looks like mos def has girl problems. Now back in the day, i wanted to be mos' girl(as if i had a chance) but now that he may be on some fatal attraction, maybe our paths never crossing worked out for the best. I possess something i call the "lex tattoo" and its really quite extraordinary. Oh...yall ain't know? Well, I'll blog about it sometime. lol

But seriously, i don't know if i believe her or not, but the debacle should prove to be an interesting diversion regardless.

-Tomorrow is july first. The seventh month of the year. Time shole is flying.

-Somewhere along the way, i became a night owl again, and i can feel that tonight is going to be no different. I will lay in bed tossing and turning until 3 and then try to cram 7 hours sleep into 4. No wonder i have the putrid pustule on my face.

-I'd rather text than talk. Well to most people at least. Texting just gives so much more freedom of movement. Is that sad that im justifying ? Ayo technology indeed.

-I put vitamin E oil directly on my lips. It tastes gross, but my lips stay soft and ash free.

-Tonight i sat in front of the TV for an hour watching Justine Simmons on HSN. Her jewelry was actually cute, and im contemplating buying a piece or three. If i do, yall won't judge me will you?

CAN YOU GET BLACK LUNG FROM SAWDUST?

I sure hope not.

The floors in my house are getting redone, and as a byproduct, there is sawdust, everywhere. When i say everywhere, i mean everywhere. If there exists a crevice, the wood particles will find a home. My bedroom door was sealed shut, and when i walked in, i found a thin layer of dust on my dresser. The same for the media room and guest room. I can see why the floor guys were so diligent about taping things off and draping furniture with plastic. This means i'm probably taking in a billion microns of wood with every breath and i know that can't be healthy. I'm just hoping that since it won't be a prolonged procedure(all should be done by monday) that i won't have to be hospitalized due to sawdust inhalation. I'm being extreme, but you know how i do. lol

So yes, while yall were out having kicks -or whatever it is yall were doing on this lovely saturday, i was in the house, working. Finally finishing up on projects that were started when i first moved here. I'm a notorious project starter, but not a project finisher. I know, trifling right? But don't be too hard on me. Yall know how it is. Life and stuff. Best laid plans of mice and men. All that jazz.

Of course, this would be a muggy weekend. Nothing more enjoyable than doing housework in 90 degree weather and 60% humidity. Dust eddies swirling about your temples. Have you ever operated power tools with sticky hands? Its as fun as it sounds. :(

Annoyances aside, the work is getting done. Sure, my house smells like a chem lab - that wood stain is str8 up toxic - but the end result is worth the loss of a few brain cells. I think. I hope. What was i talking about again?

So now that the night has come, the land is dark, and the moon is the only light i see(in theory, true darkness is impossible in the city, darn light pollution) i'm cold chilling, drinking this cup of tea(yes i am the weirdo that will drink hot tea on a warm summer's eve)with the ill plate of broccoli with garlic sauce and shrimp fried rice. I know, not very diet friendly but i'm saying. I worked like a beast today. Tonight I had planned on painting the town red with my girl whose chirren are away for the summer, but both of us were not feeling it. We both called each other like, "do you wanna reschedule? lol...oh wow we are so old.

Oh yeah thats another thing. I made a vow that for the next month, i refuse to blog about anything age related. Like aches, pains, wrinkles and strange odors. What? Not my odors. Just...you know, in general. I've been entirely too negative about my age and considering that i'm still (kinda)young and (sorta)virile, i need to stop, and save it for when i'm really old and have something worth talking about. So I'm gonna embrace my age and stop bugging. At least for thirty one days.

STICK A FORK IN ME...

I'm talking to my girlfriend and she's telling me a little anecdote about some dude she knows who she wants to hook me up with. Sidenote: why is someone always trying to hook me up? I am perfectly capable of handling that area of my life thank you very much. Anyway. (hey boo)

Dude happens to be 35.

Of course im me, and me be age obsessed and i focus on the fact that he's 35. My internal dialogue reverbs:

"like dangggg he's old." Keyshia cole style.

So im bristling with insult that she would even think i'd be interested in somebody that age when...*record scratch* it dawns on me.

"hey idiot...he's only a few years older than you."

Oh no i didn't. Oh yes i did. I had to call myself back to myself yall. From an outsiders standpoint we'd totally be in the same age group. That is galling to me. Especially considering the fact that i still think of myself as that 21 yr old, with a a dollar and a dream, reading word up magazine. Just with better boobs and eyebrows. lol

I mean i got one of those life insurance forms in the mail, and i looked for my age group to see what the quote would be(cuz you can never have too much life insurance) for a non-smoker w/no known health problems, and would you believe i'm in a new age bracket?? WTF when did this happen? Oh its cruel i tell you. I mean the fact that i'm even looking for more life insurance is bad enough, but i could just chalk that up to being responsible. But the fact that i've moved up in the age range, well i can't spin that one. I'm so over yall.

*grasps at the remaining threads of youth*

Its just that i never thought i'd see the day when someone in his mid thirties would be considered a suitable suitor. And not "oooh...older man" dateable, just dateable as in "yall are peers, get over it". Not that people i'm interested in are super young or nothing -no cougar here(yet))-truth be told they are all 30ish, but none are that...old. Like to me, 35 is some new frontier ish. And i'm not trying to conquer any new frontiers. Not yet anyway.

AYO FAT GIRL C'MERE ARE YOU TICKLISH?

Who you callin fat? And i am ticklish so keep your grisly hands away from me, thanks.

*sigh*

Must it always be thus?

So its going down like this. After evading the issue for a couple of weeks i got on the scale. Why did i decide to do that? Stupidity yall. According to good people over at health-o-meter, i've gained five pounds. I KNEW it. Over the past few days, i'd been feeling rather portly, and today, the scale confirmed that what i was feeling is real and not just in my mind.

Oh bother.

See this is what happens when you get content. If you've been following this blog at all(and i don't blame you if you haven't) you know that just a few months ago i was all elated and self satisfied with a 12lb weight loss. Str8 up olsen twinning. Mhmm couldn't tell me nothing. Well apparently somebody needed to tell me something because i'm one donut away from looking like Diane Amos. Tragic i tell you. And to get this disturbing news right at the onset of summer! Happy summer solstice by the way.

I'm feeling some type of way yall. The thing is, i know wut dun it too. Those darn rolls. At my sisters reception there were thee most delicious rolls. They're better than any dinner roll you've ever tasted. I guarantee it. In fact they were so delicious that when everybody went home i procured the leftovers for myself and proceeded to eat them one by one - sometimes two by two - until they were gone. All that delicious yeasty bready goodness, in my my mouth, down my throat, in my stomach...and now on my hips. And chin. Not saying anything is wrong with the triple chin look(aretha wears hers well), but it just ain't for me. I'm so sick © Ne-yo. I'm supposed to be rocking bikinis, but now it looks like i'll be making my foray into the world of potato sack couture. Sad. I can't even talk about this anymore, im getting emo.

Tomorrow i'm totally back on my hard core dieting and exercising though. Mhmm. Yup.

In other news did some gardening today. This is huge for me. All of my greatest fears can be summed up in one word: "bugs." And outside, in the soil, lurk thousands of unidentifiable creepy crawlies. But i conquered - or mitigated i should say, they are FAR from conquered - my fears, and braved the great outdoors despite this fact. I didn't even freak out when an unearthed rock revealed a colony of isopods or - as the kids call them - potato bugs. Of course, my bravery had much to do with being dressed for the occasion. My gear consisted of -and please try to picture - this:

1.Tightly tied head scarf(covering my ears to prevent bugs from flying in and making a home)
2. Light blue button down shirt complete with bleach stain(buttoned up to one of my chins and cuffs also buttoned)
3. Black leggings
4. Knee high sweat socks a la lew alcindor 1967(btw the leggings were tucked into said sweat socks)
5.My broke down chucks(i've mentioned them before)

I basically looked like a half-wit super hero. I was just lacking the cape. But, other than looking like a total fool in my landscaperess get up i think it went rather well. Not to say that i've never had my hands in the dirt before, planting and sowing, because I have. But this is the first time that i was all up in it. Nitty gritty and all that good stuff. It was therapeutic. I felt at one with nature and the universe and all that BS Deepak Chopra be talking about.*

I only have one complaint though. Why is my backyard the freaking wild kingdom? Seriously they could film all of animal planet in the rear of my house and have plenty of copy, with footage to spare. Its getting ridiculous now. In addition to the squirrels and raccoons, there appears to be what looks like ...groundhogs? Woodchucks? are they the same? Whatever they are, they're gross. Oh yeah, i can't forget the opossums. Technically i haven't seen one in my yard yet, but i did see one dead in the middle of the street, presumably run over by a car. It was gruesome and sad. But if i see one in the street, that means they've infiltrated the neighborhood, and thereby, are in my yard. So basically my garden is well on its way to being showcased on PBS nature. Fortunately, the animals make themselves scarce when i'm outside, but when i'm in the kitchen doing dishes and looking out the window? its like a big furry party. And i'm not even invited! Rude.

*For the record, i do not think that Deepak Chopra talks BS. In fact, i really do not know much of what he does talk about. Everything i know about him is from the media...and the book "natural cures they don't want you to know about", which, by the way, is a great read. I strongly suggest it. Oh yeah there was the one time DC was on Charlie rose. I was gonna watch, but changed the channel as the hills was coming on.