LOL @ MY DAD CALLING MUPPET BABIES 'SESAME PLACE KIDS'

He had me laughing for a straight five minutes with that one. Aren't parents so adorably clueless? Well sometimes anyway.

My brother and I used to stay watching muppet babies. Not that we are/were unique. I mean really. If you were a kid growing up in the 80s how could you NOT watch the muppet babies? We especially liked the indiana jones-ish sequences. And then there was the waiting for the ever elusive full body shot of Nanny. I've heard tell about a mythical episode where her face is visible, but i've never seen it. Its one of those friend of a friend of a friend rumors. You know;

"my boy's first cousin's girfriends uncle saw it."

Anyway i say all this to say...i know my dad has seen us watch that cartoon zillions of times. Like sitting in the family room with us. Watching us watch. So why he called them "sesame place kids" is beyond me. Especially since its easier to say muppet babies as opposed to sesame place kids. Besides the name of the show is in its theme song for goodness sake.

"muppet babies we make our dreams come true"
"muppet babies we'll do the same for you"

So how come he does not know that? lol its like how can you be a witness to the activities of your children - and still not be fully cognizant of whats going on? I guess i shouldn't be surprised though. This is the man that still calls the ninja turtles "ninja boys." Oh yes. Despite being made fun of and corrected ad nauseam his brain refuses to accept the raw data and convert it into information.

"Yall keep leaving those ninja boys around the house and im going to throw them away."

"Dad...they are teenage mutant ninja turtles"

"Don't they talk? Aren't they supposed to be boys?"

"yes...but they're turtles. The name of the cartoon is ninja turtles."

"Who cares, its a stupid cartoon anyway. Why in my day --"

I'll spare you guys the via appia that is my dad's mind but just so you can be informed the "--" signifies a diatribe about the inherent sillyness about anything that came into existence since the late 70s. Music, cartoons, movies, cars. There is no dissuading him of his opinions either. Basically he's ornery and you can't tell him nothing.

Wait a minute. Actually that sounds like me. OMG i've become my father.

Look at me exposing my family shame to yall.

So my sister got married yesterday. Mhmm yes she did. You're probably wondering about why i haven't mentioned pending nuptials heretofore. Ok you're probably not. I know yall aren't studying me, but could you please feign some interest? Thanks.

I hadn't mentioned it because i didn't know. My sister straight up came out of left field with this one. Just one day she came in talking about me and L___(the fool i was driving all over the city for) are getting married. Just like that. On some almost elopement steez. No if ands or buts. So guess what? They got married. It was supposed to be a small thing, no pomp and pageantry which i totally dig, but then my dad told my grandmom(his mother) my sister was getting married and she was not having it.

My grandmom is one of those kinds of folks who doesn't understand subtlety. Or opinions that differ from hers. No knock, thats just the way it is. So for my sister to have a small wedding(like 7 people) and then treating us all to an intimate dinner to follow just did not compute. So from the moment she heard of the wedding day(three days aforetime) she began cooking and planning and inviting. The guest list went from about seven to thirty and there was enough food for a hundred. I kid you not. Drinks too. Which is why i'm sitting here getting fractured on a seagrams "calypso colada" wine cooler. What? I know yall are not too siddity for a good old wine cooler. I mean i have a refined palate too, but its good to take a break from the krug every once in a while.

It was too late a date to rent a banquet hall(darn those june brides!), so the wedding/reception was held at my parent's house in the backyard. It actually turned out quite lovely. Of course we(me and my mom and my dad and brothers) were frazzled beasts, but other then sweating like stuck pigs everything went off without a hitch. I mean except for the hitching that was the actual marriage of course. Fortunately there were enough trees in the back yard so that during the ceremony folks had shade. Everyone claimed they were ok(i just knew folks were gonna faint) but as soon as the words "I do" were uttered, everyone bumrushed the house to take advantage of that sweet freon my dad had going on. lol.

So now my sister is married. I officially have a brother-in-law. I'm officially a sister-in-law. I can't say it feels any different. Wait am i supposed to feel any different? I know my sister feels different because she's a wife and stuff, but i mean nothing really has changed in my life save for the fact that i've acquired a new knucklehead to jone on. Mmm fresh blood. I hope my sister has warned him. It is weird though. My younger sister is married. Just like that.

Ohh so let me tell yall. In prep for this shindig, i went and got my hair done. Now yall know how big this is for me. Yall know i hate the salon. I avoid it like the plague and only go about three times a year. But my hair desperately needed professional attention and i figured that a wedding was as good an occasion as any to seek help. Well why did i make that fateful decision? That....that...woman cut off 4 inches of my hair!

Now i'm about to begin a rant, so you may want to click that 'x' in the top right corner. As i said before its up to you.

So she's like do you want your ends trimmed? And i go..."ok" because my hair refuses to grow evenly and my right side is always a bit longer than my left. But not so much longer that i look like im walking sideways. It really imperceptible but i obsess of my hair so i notice every flaw. I give her my assent and i see her pull out her shears. I close my eyes because i cannot bear to watch. I hear the first snip and relax enough to open my eyes because it didn't sound like she cut too much.

Yes, i too wonder at how hair can have a "volume of volume" But play along with me here, i was under much duress.

So i open my eyes and look in the mirror which happens to be angled in such a way that i can see the floor and why do i see about four inches of my locks laying on the ground, prostrate, only to be swept up as rubble by the washing girl? I sucked my breath and bit my lip. Oh no she didn't. I tell her to trim about half an inch and she took a mile?! I'm calling down all sort of evil upon this woman and she doesn't even know it. She's totally oblivious to the fact that i am this insane hair-woman and she's aroused the sleeping giant. See this is why my face is rarely in the place of a hairdresser. They totally can't be trusted.

I so badly want to tell her stop and just call the whole thing off but then i would have this stupid haircut and that wouldn't do either, so i just sat the whole thing out. Silently crying, outwardly smiling. Your girl is a trooper.

So she finishes cutting and styling me, and i look in the mirror. Its cute. Its shorter than i would like but its cute. I mean my heart is near beating out of my chest and im trying to stave off an aneurysm, but i manage to smile and thank the girl on a job well done.

The practical part of me is like its still long. Its reaches beyond my shoulder blades and i should stop being a baby. I really shouldn't be complaining. But the insane part of me is inconsolable. Like my hair used to be really long. Now its just regular long. I mean i'd still win in a battle between me and lloyd no doubt. Speaking of which have yall seen the hotness that is his new video? Have i shared with yall the little thing i have for lloyd? He's like a really sexy muppet. And his hair! I normally don't dig long hair on dudes but his is mmm mmm good. But yeah if we had a battle of the tresses i'd win, but just barely. I'd have to rely on my boobies to put me over the edge though, and that is bogus.

...

Stop looking at me like that. I C U judging.

And if you wondering if i've been chastised for succumbing to this particularly disgusting display of vanity, the answer is yes. Those i love have already called me on the carpet about my psycho hair obsession. I look at it this way...lots of people have lots of "things." I only have one "thing". And this one "thing" has got me trippin.