THE WEATHER IS HOT AND GIRLS ARE DRESSED IN LESS

Its skank season!

I would love to go into detail about the fashion tragedies i've witnessed in the past 48 hours, but im trying not to appear overly judgmental. Suffice it to say, its getting ugly out there folks. Real ugly.

My east coast peoples...how are yall enjoying this heat? Seems like one minute the weather was unseasonably cold and now: bladow! - hotter than july. I ain't complaining though(yet.)

I will admit that im sweltering...just a teensy bit. Unlike some of you privileged folks - i dont have central air. Mhmm i see you gasping. Can't believe it right? Yup its totally old school up in here, meaning lots of fans and lots of open windows. Not to mention the bugs that fly in because some of my screens have been compromised with age. Right now, as i type, there is an errant ladybug thats wreaking havoc with my emotions. I mean really, does the light cast from my monitor resemble sunlight? I didn't think so either. So why does the lady bug keep slamming into the screen? Ugh. I'm afraid to go to bed yall. I just know that ladybug is going to land on me while i sleep. No i'm not being ridiculous. This is what bugs do. They terrorize.

Normally i'd have the occasional air conditioning unit interspersed throughout the house to provide a much needed cool oasis. Only thing is the air conditioners are all in my basement(i take em out the window when the seasons change) and they are too heavy for me to bring up alone. So, i suffer. For now at least. Until i conscript some male volunteers for the task.

The humidity makes it difficult to preserve one's sexy though. Like its one thing to be hot, and another to look like you just stepped out of louie anderson's armpit. Straight raggedy. Doesn't stop dudes from hollering though.

Oh yeah, no offense my dudes - but yall are so gross sometimes. Pretty much.

I had to cross a very well traveled street, and about halfway through the light changed from green to yellow - which signaled for me to pick up my pace. Oh yes, i am not one of those people who saunter across the street even when they don't have the light. I am not willing to be a statistic just so i can look cute. I hate those people when i'm driving so i make a point to not be like that when i am a pedestrian. Its usually some teenagers too. No offense to teenagers im just saying. They stroll against the light and hold up traffic because they refuse to move their feet faster. Where is the home training? Why don't these kids fear for their lives? What if i was a drunk driver? What if i was a sick twisted individual who wanted to have some "fun"?

Let me let yall in on a secret.

Sometimes i daydream of accelerating and hitting one of them.

Now now, nothing serious...just a little tap with the front fender to knock the smug off his or her face. Maybe inflict a broken bone or two. Nothing six months in a cast won't fix. Im not trying to do anything life altering, i just want to scare them half to death. Am i wrong to even think of things like that? Probably. But this'll be a secret between us capisce? Its not right, but its ok.

Anyway where was i? So i'm crossing the street, and i have to break into a little brisk walk because the light turns yellow. So my bosoms are jostling and all i hear is whistling and some other typical male remarks. Embarrassing! I'm cursing my breasts and men all in one breath. I have my hand cross my heart like how you do when you jump rope, but that doesn't do much good. Im still bouncy bouncy fun fun fun fun fun © tigger. Quite an uncomfortable situation. I almost stopped running just so i could avoid the attention. Then i realized how much i like a being a breathing sentient being, and slowing down may change that situation. Avoiding unsolicited crudity is not worth my life. So bring it on. Look at them jiggle gentlemen. They're real and fabulous.

The heat is making the rest of me less fabulous though. I'm totally wilted and energy-less. My body is sticky. My feet are swollen. By the way, since when did i start having swollen feet? I never had that problem ever. That was always the malady for other people. Other meaning old. I swear my age is manifesting itself in new and exciting ways every day.

Thrill as she gets a new wrinkle! Gasp as she notices a new fatty deposit! Recoil in horror as a grey hair makes its first appearance!

This is what my life has come to folks. Preserving one's sexy over 25 is hard. I'm not going to lie to you. Its a total uphill battle. If i had known then what i know now i'd have stayed 24. No...23. 23 was a good year. Sho yo' right. I'd employ some of that sith goodness that you can't learn from a jedi and be the ever-ingenue.