HEY, ITS OK...

Glamour magazine has a self affirmation section called "Hey, Its ok" to soothe the nerves of their highly unstable, simpleminded readers. I enjoy it, it sometimes does drop little gems. And because "imitation is the most sincere form of flattery" I decided to do my own version of "hey, its ok" with my own time tested, tried and tru-isms. Just dropping Knowledge folks.

Hey Its OK...

To look in the mirror and like what you see.
What a novel idea! Modesty is a virtue, and some self deprecation may prevent us from being vain, but oftentimes we get so caught up in what we should change and what should be modified, that we forget to appreciate the beauty that we already possess. (was that a run on sentence? sometimes i get carried away with commas.) Be it mental, physical, spiritual, emotional. Life is so much sweeter when we quit picking ourselves apart. Also, its a whole lot more amusing and, dare i say, gratifying - when we make other people the victims of our emotional knives and forks.

To use your fingers to do simple mathematical calculations.
Yeah, I was in the supermarket the other day, and I used my hands to perform some addition. At first I was embarrassed, but then i was like, FUNK THAT. I use my hands for computation. AND??

To still get nervous when a parent calls your name.
At a family get together, my dad called me from my grandmom's kitchen: "Alexis!" And for a split second, I was 10 years old again, wondering what i did wrong, and what the consequences would be. But then I remembered i was 20something, with a rolling rock in hand. (what?? its what my grandmom drinks!) I said yes immediately, but sauntered into the kitchen as an acknowledgement of my adulthood.

...Okay, i double marched.

To find an evening at home more enjoyable than a night partying.
You don't make a home for yourself just to be out of it all the time. Besides all the money spent on buying up the bar and gaining entry into endless afterparties could be put to some other use. I'm not sure what, but anythings gotta be better than wasting ducats on a strobelite honey.
Nah...give me some krug, a fire in the fireplace, and a game of scrabble. Thats a REAL hootenanny.

To Read Zane*
If thats your pleasure, who am I to knock it? At one time Dickens was considered to be pandering and common.** Perhaps you're on to something.

If you get a little kick out of seeing him/her jealous.
You'll never admit it to him/her, but its a bit of an ego boost.

And the converse...

If you get the teensiest bit jealous of him/her.
We've all been there. Sometimes more than once. You think you're cool hand luke (lucia?) and then, BAM. The green eyed monster(courtney love? ack!) rears its head, and youre suddenly anxious of his/her exes and the chatty bartender. Just keep it to yourself and don't get psycho.

To use paper checks.
No, not a check card. A check. You know...those things that are used to make drafts on your checking account. I was at home depot buying some stuff for my house, and decided to pay with a check. I could have used credit, I could have used a debit card. But I decided to pay with a check. Well home girl looked at my check like i had pulled out drachmas. Its legal and tender ain't it? Hater.

If you've never read the classics.
I mean I have*** - but i've never heard of anyone dying because they haven't. Besides, as compelling as thackeray and shaw are, knowledge of them won't pay your bills. Well, unless you're an english professor.

To dial six numbers and hang up several times before letting the call go through.
Yeah we may talk tough, but at the end of the day we're all humans with nerves. And that first call can be a doosy. Sweaty palms. Flushed Face. Accelerated heartbeat. I know the first time i called out sick to my boss, i was-a-shakin in my boots. Just remember, your boss was once a peon like you, and feigned illness to call in sick to his/her superior. He knows what its like to wake up with a severe case of the druthers. So that means that while he can relate, he won't because he's a hater. Also, he only cares about the bottom line. So before its your bottom thats on the line, make sure your lie is good.

(What?...you thought i was talking about calling a chick/dude?? Wuss. If you're nervous about that just imagine your audience naked.)

To have a bad dream and still want your mommy.
This happened to me last night, and I wanted to call my mom, but ringing her in the middle of the night would have been ridiculous so i refrained. Instead I lay in the bed awake with the light on for about an hour until I felt safe enough to go back to sleep. I suppose thats something that most people never completely outgrow. I kinda like that.


* Actually its never ok. Put the book down now.

** An unverified statement. Made up to make Zane loyalists feel better.

*** I've read more than a little, but not quite a few.