I'M HERE I'M QUEER

Get over it. Nuff Said. Kiss my grits.

(Not gay queer, just regla queer. read on.)

So apparently i'm some sort of weirdo deviant. I seem to be one of only a handful of bipeds alive who is able to enjoy both smooth "jazz" and classic jazz. Or at least, admit it. :P

Mention smooth "jazz" in a room of aficionados and something happens. The air crackles with electricity. Hackles raise. Jaws clench. Somebody starts crying, and everybody starts Wynton-ing.

For example, i was in the car with my friend, flipping radio stations.

"ugh" I said, hurriedly skipping past another station with the 'urban' format. a funkmaster flex clone was yelling about shopping at city blue(a local chain of stores where you can buy mark ecko, baby phat and stuff) "i hate radio."

"yeah it sucks. look through my cds and find something."

I began flipping thru his cd holder still fruitlessly hitting the tuner button for some decent music.

...never leave/'cause i believe/i'm in love/sweet love

"this is my jam!" I said, content to release the button while I sang along w/ anita.

he didn't respond but his head nod along with his drumming on the steering wheel signified he agreed.

I warbled along for a few stanzas when he interrupted me.

"what station is this?"

I glanced down @ the tuner's digital readout.

"oh its wjjz" (the local smooth jazz station) he wrinkled his nose in disdain.

"man...turn away. I hate smooth jazz"

"what? don't you like this song?"

"yeah I like it."

"well what's the problem?"

"woman you know how I feel abt smooth jazz. it sucks that's the problem"

"give me a break. you were just enjoying the song until you heard what station it was on. let me finish hearing it and then i'll turn."

Anita's voice faded with her love me sweetly babys. I had my finger poised to change the station when the familiar strain of "she's gone" came through the speakers, daryl hall's voice filling the car.

everybody's high on consolation/everybody's trynna tell me/what is right for me/i need a drink and a quick decision

I looked over at him, smiling. A reluctant grin appeared on his face.

"should I change it?" I asked innocently. he loves hall and oates.

"naw b."

"but this is smooth jazz" I couldn't resist.

he sighs. "this aint no smooth jazz. this is blue eyed soul."

"and anita baker?"

"jazz influenced r&b. come on lexy you know this."

"I know. but this is what they play on smooth jazz. and you like it...so...you DON'T hate smooth jazz."

"i like blue eyed soul and I like r&b. period."

"ok well what about grover washington?"

"what about him?"

"um they play him on smooth jazz all the time. In fact i daresay he's the o-rig-i-na-tor" (in my best jaz-o voice)

"grover is an exception."

"is he? why? the man was smooth jazz incarnate."

"he was jazz funk."

"jazz funk? are we sub genre-ing a sub genre now?"

"no but he was way different from these cats you hear on smooth jazz"

"like who? Steely Dan? Bob james?(of nautilus fame) ronny jordan? come on now."

"dude..."

i'm passionate.

"what about herbie? or weather report? brubeck? george benson? jaco?(ok i never heard him on smooth jazz but he didn't know that lol) miles?

"human nature does NOT count. You ever heard any of 'brew on smooth jazz?"

"miles is miles. you're splitting hairs."

"whats your point?"

"my point is these are all musicians you respect. and they play them on smooth jazz radio."

"ok they have a handful of decent artists, but what about the rest? smooth jazz has eviscerated the soul and life from jazz. Don't tell me thats not true."

as if to prove his point, "she's gone" goes off and is replaced with the treacle known as kenny g. I hurriedly flip the station before "silhouette" begins in earnest.

He smirks.

"Thats what i'm talking about. Kenny G man?"

"I never said kenny g was good."

"But he's smooth jazz."

I feel myself getting irritated.

"____(his name), we both know kenny g sucks."

"yes, and so does smooth jazz."

I won't bore you with the rest, but our conversation continued along the same vein, ending with me agreeing to respect his right to his opinion - no matter how wrong it might have been - and calling him a dork. (a signature move lol) :)

His feelings are echoed by most jazz heads. Smooth jazz is a an abscess. Smooth jazz has no soul, no artistry. Smooth jazz is too polished. Smooth jazz is gross. My thing is - for the most part, i agree with them. Its just that im not quite as adamant. Its not that i can't and don't appreciate those sublime blue notes and harmonic sevenths. Please. Ju don't know? I'm not going to put smooth above classic anytime soon. However - and label me a hapless dilettante if you like - i'm willing to admit that smooth "jazz" does have its redeeming qualities. So there!

Anyway.

Let me share with you guys what ive been playing in the morning: Jill Scott - Gotta Get up